NEWS FROM AROUND THE GLOBE: SMACKIN' GOOD FUN

That's right "News From Around the Globe," has returned from hiatus and this week we're going to have fun smacking each other around.

To Great Britain we go where the headline reads: "Christian school to smack pupils." Well, it's about time Christians stopped turning the other cheek.

Another headline reads: "Yes, I will carry on smacking," hey that wasn't a story about that nanny was it?

Reading on we find: "Safe smacking video condemned by NSPC." And later we read: "I might have been wrong, says producer of smacking video." And the Brits complain about violence on American television.

The English seem to be for smacking as these headlines read: "Great and good support Carey over smacking," and "Report attacked over call to stop hitting children."

Well, enough of that let's move forward to the subject of adoption where a man and his wife in England were turned down by an adoption agency because the man was too fat.

The agency explained they didn't want the child to have to go through a traumatic experience before it reached its teen years. The agency further explained that because of the man's weight he was likely to die soon.

The man retorted that the skinniest man in the world could go in and adopt a baby today and run out and get hit by a bus tomorrow.

The overweight, disgruntled bus driver from Lancashire went on to say...

So the adoption agency is saying that it's better the child not have a home for the next six months to a year so that they can find someone they are sure will live beyond the child's teen years. "Oh, crystal ball tell me who in this parent pool will live a fairy tale life throughout this child's formative years."

Let's just file this one under that large file of people who think they know what's best for you because they've got some kind of God complex.

Now it's time to go to San Francisco. It looks like Latrell Sprewell has been fired for beating his coach and threatening to kill him.

The team said he had violated his contract--note to all future NBA stars or cry babies (one in the same) be sure to stay away from any contract that states you can't beat up your coach.

A quick note from the Southeast Missourian--it seems a syndicated sports columnist Jim Litke wrote on the subject of Latrell Sprewell and he was doing a fine job until he went to Charles Barkley for a quote on the situation.

Barkley said, "there is never an excuse to hit a coach. Sometime you might want to, but there's never an excuse for it."

This from the man who a few years back spit on a fan and who just recently threw a man through a nightclub window. Thanks Sir Charles for your moral guidance.

A judge in California has ruled that a child can keep his play tower in the backyard as long as his father erects a screen so that the child can't look into the backyard of their neighbor.

Neighbor Hugh Hefner said he really sympathizes with the boy, but he didn't rise to the top of the nudey mag industry by giving out free subscriptions, or maybe he didn't say that at all and this was just a pathetic attempt by a writer to make up a joke where there wasn't one.

And finally a German judge has ruled that apartment and duplex dwellers have to tone it down when they are having sex. The judge said that moans should be kept at a low level so that neighbors can't hear the activity.

Insert your own joke here.