MARK MY WORD: THANKSGIVING IS A TOUGH TIME FOR TURKEYS

It's tough being a turkey this time of year, what with people craving to gobble the bird up for Thanksgiving.

It's times like these that make you thankful you are not someone's idea of a holiday meal.

Things would have been a lot better for the fine-feathered bird if Ben Franklin had his way. He thought the turkey should be the national bird, not the bald eagle.

If that had happened, the turkey could have become a protected species and been painted on the fuselage of airplanes.

But no amount of gobbling can change dining destiny.

In this nation, Thanksgiving is a national holiday predicated upon the view that the best turkey is a dead turkey that has been stuffed and cooked by grandma.

The Pilgrims may have added to the turkey's woes, but the bird was toast long before that.

The American Indians raised turkeys for food as early as A.D. 1000.

The first Thanksgiving observance in America occurred during halftime of a football game. No, actually it occurred on Dec. 4, 1619 in Virginia and didn't involve any feasting.

Feasting didn't take roost until 1621 in Plymouth, Mass. The settlers, not knowing it was Turkey Day, shot ducks and geese. They also shot some turkeys without a license.

A bunch of Indians showed up with a few deer for the stew. Everyone was thankful that they didn't have to wait around for the turkey to be done.

Of course, it's a different story today.

Thanksgiving gives us a reason to cook a bird that will provide us with leftovers for a week or more.

Male turkeys are called toms, unless they're politicians. In that case, they're called every name in the book.

Wild turkeys gather in small flocks in the forest where they drink heavily and tell horror stories about past Thanksgivings.

Their domesticated brothers live high on the hog. The bad news is that life expectancy is brief.

Once they get big enough for grandma's oven, they're history.

Turkeys are raised much like chickens, except they aren't allowed to cross the road.

On average, Americans consume about 15 pounds of turkey per person annually.

Much of that is consumed on Thanksgiving Day, which marks the start of the holiday feasting season, which runs through New Year's Day.

Sadly, Joni and I won't be named to any turkey support groups. We love the fowl after it's been cooked and sliced to perfection.

Our children, on the other hand, have little use for turkey. Becca and Bailey prefer to dine on chicken fingers. Turkey fingers just aren't the same thing, and they don't come with fries or a toy.

They're not interested in the cranberries either. They'd rather hold out for dessert.

No doubt, the turkey feels the same way.

~Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.