MARK MY WORD: ON SOUTH PADRE ISLAND, YOU WON'T BE FIT TO BE TIED

I love ties and so do my children. But I recognize that one man's necktie is another man's noose.

If you're feeling fit to be tied, maybe you need to spend some time at South Padre Island.

This Texas resort community recently made ties taboo, banning man's traditional neckwear.

The town's Board of Aldermen declared ties detrimental to the welfare of South Padre Island and its visitors.

"The very appearance of a tie causes a discordant note for our visitors, sometimes causing serious regression back to their humdrum and ordinary business lives," the board said in a proclamation that must have left bankers fit to be tied.

The police have been instructed to issue written warnings to first-time offenders.

There was talk that second-time offenders would be fined the amount of a "fine silk tie" and the offending neckwear would be confiscated and destroyed.

But the mayor insists no one will have anything cut off and police actually will give promotional T-shirts to anyone they see wearing a tie.

Still, the board's action is sure to make visitors think twice about tying one on.

The island's residents prefer to be tie-less and who can blame them?

One lawyer said he lives on the island so he doesn't have to dress up to go to work. He practically lives in shorts. Socks don't touch his feet for much of the year. I doubt he even owns a tie.

The tie taboo means that South Padre Island folks can spot an out-of-town salesman or circus clown a mile away.

Personally, I happen to like ties and so do my kids.

They love to see me wearing one of my cartoon ties or some of the other colorful neckwear that I have.

My 18-month-old daughter, Bailey, enjoys pulling on my ties. My 5-year-old daughter, Becca, also likes to see me all tied up.

And what would society be like without all those holiday ties?

I can't imagine going through the Christmas season without wearing a Santa Claus tie. People would have to come up with a whole new way to celebrate Father's Day.

Still, I recognize that one man's necktie is another man's noose.

On South Padre Island, no one wants to be tied down by even the nicest of neckwear.

Of course, if my kids were in charge of the place, there would be other clothing customs.

Bailey would require people to pull up their shirts and show off their belly buttons at least 20 times a day.

She has turned this practice into a fine art.

Becca probably would mandate princess dresses for the girls.

Neither of my daughters is terribly fond of shoes. They would probably be among the first items to go in their perfect world.

Barbie underwear would be a must.

I'm not sure about ties. In our house, Ken spends most of his time lounging around in his swimming trunks with a bevy of Barbies nearby.

Still, the kids seem to have no trouble telling the difference between the Ken doll and dad. I'm the one with the tie on.

Becca and Bailey seem to like it that way.

That suits me just fine. I can't compete with Ken's tan. But then he can't tie one on like I can.

~Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.