MARK MY WORD: MOMS ARE MAGNIFICENT WITH THE MORNING RUSH

Moms are magnificent. They manage to get the kids dressed and to school, and still get to work on time.

It isn't easy. Speaking as a dad, I'm really not sure how moms do it.

My wife, Joni, had to go into work early the other day and left it to me to get 3-month-old Bailey and 4-year-old Becca dressed and safely deposited with the babysitter and the day-care center, respectively.

Since I'm light years older then they are and have a college degree, I assumed I was up to the task.

Wrong. Even a SWAT team couldn't have moved things along in our house that morning.

I quickly discovered that it's impossible for me to shave, get dressed, burp and dress the baby, wake up Becca and find a suitable outfit for her to wear and get her to put on her clothes, and haul both girls, Becca's doll and Bailey's bottles all to the car before 10 a.m.

Moms routinely do all this and clean up the house as they walk out the door.

Dads don't do as well. I'm not sure why that is, although I suspect it has something to do with the fact that our fingers are glued to the TV remote control.

We're used to changing channels from across the room. We think dressing children should work the same way. It doesn't.

You have to engage in manual labor to get children dressed. You also have to know where the children's clothes are kept.

Many men have trouble with this. They know the entire wiring schematic of their home, but they haven't a clue where the kids' clothes can be found.

Moms generally take the kids to day care and school for one reason -- they don't trust dads to dress the children in clothes that don't clash and generally look like rejects from a circus wardrobe.

The other day I thought I was doing well just to get the kids dressed and out the door.

I tried to get Becca to wear a dress. That way I wouldn't have to worry about matching tops and bottoms.

Instead, she wore a skirt and a long-sleeved top that Joni later told me was two sizes too small and didn't match.

"I can tell daddy dressed you," Joni told Becca when she picked her up.

"I have a lot of mommies say that," said Ms. Katie, one of Becca's teachers.

It didn't look so bad to me. I don't view day-care attire as a fashion statement.

I do try to make sure that the clothing is appropriate for the season -- winter clothes in winter and summer clothes in summer.

But when you are already late to work, even that rule can be bent. The important thing is to see that they don't walk out of the house stark naked.

Weekday mornings can be downright tiring, particularly when you are trying to get your 4-year-old to hurry it up. "I'll be late to work, I'll be late to work," I chanted over and over.

But that meant nothing to Becca, who isn't old enough to tell time and doesn't see why anyone needs to go to work in the first place.

"Where's my finger? Where's my finger?" Becca repeatedly asked the other day as I was burping Bailey and trying to find Becca's shoes.

Becca hadn't even talked about her stumpy, blue witch's finger for months.

But having become reacquainted with The Finger the previous evening, she couldn't bear to leave home the next morning without it planted on the end of her hand.

Fortunately, we found The Finger so life could go on.

It was late morning by the time I arrived at work.

Perhaps the next time I chauffeur the children, Joni will dress them the night before. Then, I might be able to get the kids dropped off and make it to work on time. But I wouldn't count on it.

Mark Bliss is a member of the Southeast Missourian news staff.