MARK MY WORD: MISSOURI WILL BECOME JUST A SQUIGGLY LINE

Missouri has been reduced to a blue squiggly line.

As a lifelong Missourian, that's just tough to take.

The squiggly line will be a part of Missouri's new license plates. They're blue, green and white, and they replace the mundane maroon ones that have bored Missourians for decades.

The squiggly line will appear underneath the state's name. The word Missouri will be in green, block letters at the top of the plate. The words Show-Me State will be in blue block letters at the bottom.

But those who can't read will have to rely on a squiggly line to discern the state.

The line represents water. The panel that picked this design concluded that all Missourians have water in common. No doubt, beer ranked second.

Some states tout granite, pelicans or bluegrass. Missouri has decided to champion water.

One member of the license-plate committee pointed to the fact that all Missourians live near some body of water.

While I can't deny that many Missourians live near rivers and streams, or at least hot tubs, I can't get excited about a wavy line that looks more like a drought-stricken drainage ditch.

In recent years, Missouri has had its share of floods. Perhaps a better design would have been a house being swept away by a big, muddy-colored streak of floodwater. It would have the advantage of looking good even if your car were dirty.

I had envisioned Missouri's new plates would carry the proud image of Missouri's mules, and I'm not talking about Democrats here. I'm talking about that stubborn, four-legged animal that plowed the fields and cultivated the cotton before being put out to pasture as a school mascot.

If I was a mule, I'd be downright depressed to have been beaten out by a trickle of a line.

All of the state's license plates, even specialty ones, will carry the wavy line.

Perhaps Southeast Missouri State University could add a canoe to its speciality plates or stick figures.

Some enterprising school might even want to adopt a squiggly mascot, although finding such a costume could be difficult.

I'm sure it's only a matter of time before the squiggly line is added to the vision test at the license bureaus.

The winning license-plate design was by a Eureka artist, who sketched numerous designs during his lunch break but settled on water because the restaurant didn't have diet Coke.

Besides, Coca-Cola is already sponsoring the summer Olympics and didn't want to fund a squiggly-lined state.

The new license plates will be aluminum instead of steel, making it more convenient for Missouri prisoners who have to lift all those lingering lines.

The plates will be fully reflective, making it easier for police to spot the squiggly lines in the dark and determine that they really are license plates and not Perot bumper stickers.

Missourians will have to pay a one-time fee of up to $2.25 on top of normal licensing fees to cover the cost of the new plates. Water may be cheap, but squiggly lines cost money.

Mark Bliss is a member of the Southeast Missourian news staff.