MARK MY WORD: `MINE,' `MEAN' AND TOILET PAPER ARE ALL PART OF CHILD'S WORLD

Daughter Bailey has taken possession of everything in our house the way that 17th century explorers laid claim to everything in the New World.

Like NASA's Sojourner rover, Bailey is on a mission. But it has nothing to do with the Red Planet.

She has zeroed in on toilets and toilet paper without the help of mission control or even her parents.

At 19 months of age, daughter Bailey realizes that not everyone walks around in diapers and she doesn't want to either.

She has started sitting on the little potty in our upstairs bathroom.

She prefers to do this right after she has taken a bath. It also involves unrolling a huge amount of toilet paper as I try my best to salvage as much of it as possible.

Whole forests would have to come down if everyone went through toilet paper like Bailey does.

At this point, I think it is the tearing, ripping and pitching of toilet paper that she really likes.

I periodically rescue the toilet paper roll and put it up on the window sill out of harm's way.

When you approach her to put a diaper on, she quickly turns and runs back to the potty.

Once there, she sits down and smiles up at me with one of those "Isn't this fun?" looks.

These days, you practically have to wrestle Bailey to the floor to put a diaper on her.

I sometimes think I should approach this task like a calf roper at a rodeo. I could ride into the bedroom with a diaper clenched in my teeth.

In her perfect world, she would prefer to run around naked. Of course, that would save on buying clothes. But the carpet would never be the same.

To parents, the most horrifying sound is that of diaper tape being peeled off while you're in another room of the house.

Unfortunately, Bailey is learning how to do that.

It's best not to let Bailey run around the house in just a diaper. Clothes are a necessity. They keep those little fingers from reaching for the diaper tape on each hip like an Old West gunslinger.

Bailey has become our "M and M" girl. Her two favorite words are "mine" and "mean."

Bailey has taken possession of everything in our house the way that 17th century explorers laid claim to everything in the New World.

Well, maybe not everything. She doesn't really like all the bills that come in the mail. But then, who can blame her? If I had my choice, I wouldn't possess any bills.

But just about everything else that Bailey can grab, she considers to be her very own.

"Mine, mine, mine," she intoned as she grabbed the newspaper I was reading on the living room couch one day.

She particularly enjoys taking possession of her older sister's favorite doll. She then runs around the house crying out, "mine, mine, mine," as Becca chases after her to get her doll back.

All of this is played out a hundred times a day.

My wife, Joni, and I have so far failed to convince Bailey that the rest of us in the family have property rights too.

When we repossess our belongings, she calls us "mean."

"Mean mommy, mean daddy," she admonishes us.

But before long she claims another toy for her kingdom and pounces on the other "M" word again.

Of course, Joni and I like to use that "M" word too. "Mine" has a nice ring to it when you're hugging your kids.

~Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.