MARK MY WORD: LAWMAKERS FISHING FOR A STATE FISH

I have trouble getting excited about designating the Friday all-you-can-eat special as the state fish.

Life can be a fish-eat-fish world, particularly in the Missouri legislature.

Some lawmakers in the Missouri House want to make the catfish the official fish of Missouri. But wait a minute, there's another bill in the House that would make the paddlefish the state's aquatic animal.

It sounds kind of fishy to me.

But then Missouri has always had plenty of official things, like rocks and trees.

Missouri has a state rock -- Mozarkite, and a state tree -- Dogwood. It has a state fossil (not to be confused with anyone in the legislature) and even a state mineral.

The bluebird is the official state bird, and the honey bee the ranking insect, if you don't count politicians.

But so far fish haven't found their way into official circles.

But that could change, thanks in part to some Southeast Missouri lawmakers who want to canonize catfish.

Rep. Marilyn Williams of Dudley has introduced the catfish bill. Her family operates a catfish farm.

State Rep. David Schwab of Jackson is one of the co-sponsors.

"We can't be doing life and death issues all the time," said Schwab, who used to raise catfish.

Of course, to a lot of catfish, popularity is deadly. A lot of Missourians like to eat catfish.

Presumably, if it becomes the state fish, restaurants will advertise their catfish specials even more. This will put even more catfish in the frying pan.

Still, I have trouble getting excited about designating the Friday all-you-can-eat special as the state fish.

Next thing you know, we'll have to designate the salad bar as the state vegetable.

All this talk about a state fish and a state aquatic animal can be confusing.

That's doubly so, considering that a paddlefish is often referred to as a spoon-billed catfish.

To clear up the issue, I telephoned a Missouri Conservation official who explained to me that paddlefish aren't catfish no matter what all those fishermen say.

He also pointed out that lawmakers don't have to settle for fried fish. Crawdads qualify as aquatic animals and so do some turtles.

The U.S. Olympic Swim Team probably could qualify too, although they're probably not as edible.

A paddlefish has shark-like fins and an oar-shaped snout. Missouri license plates are about the only thing uglier than this.

The toothless paddlefish is a member of a primitive group of fish. It's only other relative inhabits the big rivers of China waiting for an exit visa.

Paddlefish are basically vegetarians, which is sure to infuriate the carnivore lobby.

Catfish, on the other hand, are scavengers who will eat insects -- presumably even the state insect -- and injured and dead fish.

Of course, you don't want to think about that when you're chowing down at the town fish fry.

At this point, it appears lawmakers are fishing around for something to pass. The question is, will Missourians buy it, hook, line and sinker?

~Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.