MARK MY WORD: DON'T GET TOO WORKED UP ABOUT RECLINERS

A Carbondale, Ill., professor wants you to exercise on your recliner. Not even a dog wants to do that.

Americans love to talk about exercise. We are obsessed with it just so long as we don't really have to do it.

Exercise gurus are forever telling us that overweight, out-of-shape guys and gals can learn to enjoy it.

Relax. That is what a Southern Illinois University-Carbondale professor wants us to do.

He has come up with a set of relaxation exercises involving those big, old clunky recliners.

Whatever happened to just sleeping on the old recliner or vegetating in front of the TV.

Professor Roger Poppen says the exercises are easy to learn. No Jane Fonda tapes here.

"Achieving general relaxation throughout your body has a calming effect on your nervous system," he says.

This allows your body to recover from stress, he points out.

Poppen says you should tilt your recliner as far back as it will go.

Oops, you just went too far and now your in the hospital with a sprained neck.

But don't worry. The recliner will be waiting for you when you get home.

To exercise properly, you should lie on your back with year head facing forward and resting on the recliner cushion, Poppen says.

Don't twist, shift or curl up, he instructs. What kind of advice is that?

Why have a recliner if you can't curl up in it like a dog and take a nap?

Poppen says you should drape your arms along the arm rests with your hands palm down and your fingers slightly curled.

If I'm doing this exercise, the TV remote control would be firmly in my hand.

There is clearly something wrong with a recliner exercise that doesn't involve a remote control.

This professor says you should straighten your legs, relax your feet and let your toes point out. Wouldn't a foot rub be easier?

Close your eyes and let your mouth fall slightly open, he advises. Breathe slowly and regularly. Don't cough or yawn.

This exercise sounds just right for a comatose person or a drunk. Anyone else would look silly doing this.

Folks who don't have recliners can do the exercises in a straight chair with a few adjustments, Poppen says.

He can't be serious. How can you relax when you are sitting up?

Poppen recommends 20 minutes of relaxation daily.

I'm sure it's good for the recliner to get all that exercise, but I don't know about people.

Besides, parents know you can't find relaxation on a recliner. Not when your preschool-age children view you as a mountain to climb.

Actually, they would prefer you leave the recliner to them so they can turn it into a trampoline.

Parents get plenty of exercise bending down and picking up all those toys that cover the carpet.

There is also the repeated exercise of changing diapers. But none of us would mistake it as a way to relax.

Personally, I'd just settle for a nice nap. I'll leave all that toe pointing to others.

~Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.