MARK MY WORD: CANDIDATES SHOULD COME TO BIRTHDAY PARTIES

Would-be presidents seem confined these days to that freezer of a state, New Hampshire.

You have to wonder about the state of mind of presidential candidates.

Any normal person would be planning a trip to Disney World or some other suitably warm spot. Presidential candidates, on the other hand, spend their time campaigning through cold and snow.

Even a tough winter like this can't keep them away.

Of course, you don't want to play softball in the dead of winter. You have to find something else to do.

Sen. Phil Gramm of Texas plays checkers. On Saturday, the GOP presidential candidate visited Lloyd Robie's general store in Hooksett, N.H., and defeated Robie's 77-year-old wife at a game of checkers.

Photo opportunities like this don't come along every day. Perhaps we should hold checker tournaments and award the presidency to the winner. This would eliminate countless campaign stops and much of C-SPAN's programming.

I realize that presidential candidates want to be seen doing something besides thinking. You can't look good on TV when you're thinking.

But you would think they could find something better to do than play checkers.

Parents can't relate to a quiet game of checkers or quiet anything for that matter.

While Gramm was playing checkers, Joni and I were celebrating our oldest daughter's fourth birthday at one of Cape Girardeau's indoor playgrounds. About a dozen of Becca's girlfriends showed up to help her celebrate.

There's nothing like a little ice cream with sprinkles and plenty of ball pits and other assorted climb-jump-and-crawl-around stuff to cheer up children on a frozen day.

You see a lot of moms and some dads at these affairs. But you don't see presidential candidates.

What's going on here? Don't they like kids?

No, presidential candidates don't show up at children's birthday parties. For one thing, they might have to bring presents, and hold children's coats, shoes and other assorted clothing while the kids play with toys.

Worse yet, they might have to play games with the kids or comb the hair of a My Size Barbie, a doll that is as tall as your kid only quieter.

Among other things, Becca received a "Pretty, Pretty Princess" game. Players spin to see who can get all the jewelry and the crown on, and become the Pretty Princess.

You don't want the black ring. It's like coming in last in the New Hampshire primary.

In the Princess game, players can admire themselves in the toy mirror.

Presidential candidates would do well with that part of the game.

Wearing plastic earrings and a toy crown may be a lot of fun, but it doesn't look presidential.

Then again, parents could relate to such a candidate.

Those chilled-out candidates should forget the flat tax and jump in the ball pit. And, remember, whatever you do, don't forget the sprinkles.

~Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.