MARK MY WORD: A CLEAN HOUSE AWAITS THE STORK'S ARRIVAL

The stork's circling our home and my wife, Joni, is on a nesting kick.

As the December delivery date approaches for a new addition to our household, Joni has embarked on a major cleanup of our home.

Naturally, I couldn't let my pregnant wife do this all by herself. I tried to think of some excuses, but none of them were good enough to get me off the hook.

So far, we have cleaned up our daughter's room, which Becca will soon be sharing with the new baby; and our computer/bedroom/storage area.

This meant we also had to clean out the closets in these rooms.

There is nothing more daunting than opening the closet doors to the cluttered corners of your home.

You know the closets I am talking about. Even with a whole troop of Boy Scouts, it could take you days to work your way to the bottom of the closet.

You never know what you'll find there.

In our closets, we found everything from baby clothes to Becca's old birthday cards, and a whole litter of those price tags that come attached to new clothes.

No matter how many closets you have in your home, they always will end up cluttered with junk that comes spilling out when you open the doors.

It's just a fact of life, like gravity.

When Joni and I bought our home five years ago, we were overjoyed to have so many closets. Surely, there was more than enough storage space for our needs.

But we were wrong. Becca's got enough Barbie dolls and associated clothing to fill up a good-sized closet all by herself.

And we have plenty of stuff too, from clothes that no longer fit us to assorted pairs of worn-out shoes.

I even found an old grocery list in one closet. Fortunately, there were no food items fermenting in there. We must have put the groceries away.

There are people in this world whose closets are organized down to the last shoelace. But we're not among them.

There's a reason why closets have doors: So you can cram stuff in there and not have to think about organizing a thing.

We have one closet that is filled almost to overflowing with punch bowls and assorted serving dishes.

Every time I open the door, I expect to be attacked by a falling punch bowl or glass pitcher.

Fortunately, we don't entertain a lot, so we only occasionally have to risk a punch-bowl attack.

Even with closets, it's hard to find a place to store all of life's paraphernalia.

You've seen those spotless photographs in those home magazines.

Nobody lives like that, particularly if they have kids.

It's not real unless there are a bunch of toys strewn around the room and various shoes and socks gracing the carpet.

We had one whole bedroom filled with the junk we couldn't find any other place to store.

But with Joni on the pregnant tidiness kick, we have tackled that bedroom.

I was surprised to find the room actually had a bed. I thought it was just a platform for storing maternity dresses, toys, photographs, Becca's artwork and Easter baskets.

Even with all this cleanliness, I'm not sure we are really making progress.

It won't be long until all the closets are once again crowded. But at least right now, we have plenty of room for the stork.

~Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.