Listen to more than words

By Rennie Phillips

I may have written about this before and if I have, sorry. This has been on my mind for the past couple of weeks, so I decided to share with everyone. I guess I'm old enough I can blame it on old age.

It was probably 10 years ago a good friend of mine came by our place and had some horns and such. He knew I liked to work with horns and make some powder horns, so he brought some of his horns. We visited a while before he left and went home. He came back later, but this time he wanted to sell me one of his prized possessions. I told him no way was I going to buy it, but he simply insisted. He didn't need the money, and I sure didn't have the money to buy it. What he wanted was for me to have his prized possession, so I bought it. I wondered why. A couple of months later he had a medical emergency and passed away unexpectedly. I think he knew or had a feeling, but I didn't see it. I really wish I'd been seeing what was hidden.

We are all kind of like this. We are in such a hurry we kind of listen and then on to the next project. Or we are only half listening and not really paying attention. Or we rely on text messages or emails and never sit down face to face and visit. There is something about sitting down with a friend over a cup of coffee or tea and just visiting. Gives one the chance to listen with our ears but also listen with our hearts or spirits.

Four or five years ago I had a good friend stop by the farmers market here in Scott City to pick up some tomatoes but more importantly to visit. We talked about gardening and the squirrels that were stealing his tomatoes. He was frustrated with the squirrels stealing his tomatoes. We did some brain storming about how to build cages that were squirrel proof but so that one could still pick tomatoes through them. And kind of out of the blue he asked if I wanted some of the wood from his parents' barn that he had been saving.

It was special wood. It had been rough cut something like 75 or 100 years ago and nailed on the barn. Most of the wood was 16 or 18 or even 20 inches wide. Awesome boards. I would have loved to have the wood, but I didn't want to take his keepsake boards from him so I suggested we spend some time together that fall and build some benches and chairs out of the wood. Trouble was he didn't make it to the Fall. He passed away a couple of months down the road. I was listening but at the same time I wasn't.

A couple of weeks ago I met with a good friend over a cup of coffee. And after we had said the usual about how you doing and what's been going on and the cold weather, he told of how he was facing a serious sickness. And without God's help the future doesn't look all that bright. I was in shock and really didn't know what to say. He knows I spend time alone so he knew I'd bring his name up in prayer. I don't think he has left my thoughts since we visited. I was listening with my ears but also with my spirit if you will. It didn't matter at that moment who was around us or what was going on or even how noisy it was. I could feel his pain and his struggle with the sickness and his fear of the future. But I know someone who can change a sickness into health.

Years ago in one of my classes one of the professors said most of us are good fixers and tellers but we are lousy listeners. We listen just enough to get kind of a picture of the problem then we start fixing it. But the problem is we really don't have a real picture of the problem or the situation our friend is in. What is really needed is to just have someone listen and not talk. Just listen!

So where does this leave us? One thing is to not get so tied up in being so busy we don't have the time or the focus to really listen. I drove up close to St. Louis to pick up a number of bags of blacksmith coal. So Bob, who we were getting the coal from, helped me bag the coal and load it on our trailer. It took a while. And then we loaded a cone anvil I'd bought. As we finished, Bob suggested we build a fire and do some blacksmithing. It didn't matter what he had been doing. He was ready to spend time helping a novice blacksmith learn a few things. We should never be so busy we can't listen with more than our ears.

Being there is just as important though. There are times when all we want is someone to be there. We don't want to talk or even need to talk. We just need someone to be with us. I know I'm kind of a loner and an introvert, so being alone is OK with me. But there are times when I just need someone who will sit and enjoy the day or a cup of coffee with me. That's one reason I like Duchess. She doesn't say a word and she's willing to be with me no matter what is happening.

Finally, be alert to that still small voice inside us whispering to us. We may need to kill the TV and the radio and shut off our phones and unplug our computers. Helps if we make this silent time a regular. Also helps if we don't fill the quiet time with planned readings or scheduled stuff. Just be quiet and enjoy the stillness.