Lick your wounds when you need to

Jimmy came home from school in a very distracted mood. He snapped at everyone around him and then went to his room, slamming his door, hard. Evidently something traumatically disconcerting had happened to him at school. The family tried to find out what the problem was. Jimmy would have no part of efforts to cheer him up.

Louise came home from school, crying as she escaped from the bus. She went immediately to her room, as well. She had failed to be chosen for the girl's softball team. And, oh, how that hurt. Louise still thinks of that day. The family told her it was no big deal. Her dad told her he was never popular in school, either, as if a statement like that helped. Now, she not only felt bad because she felt out of her circle, but her dad's statement caused her to now feel that she was unpopular, period. He was only trying to help, but instead made matter worse.

She had not been chosen for the team because sports were not her strong suit. She would have to figure that out. However, Louise actually became very depressed over the event and needed counseling, but her parents were from the old school. They told her it wasn't important, to forget it, and to throw her shoulders back at go on. All this helped little, if any.

Everyone has felt dejected, rejected, hurt and as if they were of little consequence, and have had to get over the ordeal. And it isn't easy, especially if you already have poor self-esteem.

Have you seen a dog, after he has been scolded or even physically wounded, lie down and lick the physical wound or just lay low underneath a piece of furniture? Pets, unless they are regularly mistreated, take some abuse in stride. They yelp, if they're a dog, and then go off by themselves. Later, they come frisking back, wagging their tail and wanting you to be their friend. They harbor no grudges.

We humans, would do well to imitate the mindset of creatures. When I am hurt or feeling rejected, I often like to be left alone. Although words of encouragement are helpful, they can't cure my sadness. I sometimes want to be by myself to meditate or think about the situation. I may allow myself to indulge in some self-pity and feelings of having been treated wrongly. But I almost always want to be alone for a while. Then I figure out that the other person or event doesn't even know that I am angry. Also all my wasted energy will not change what happened. I also revive my memory that what people think, or my being left out of something, doesn't determine my value. It is just one drop in the ocean of life. How big of a difference will one drop of water make in the ocean? Not much. It won't be noticed, although at the time, it seems like an insurmountable wave.

Children usually are incapable of sorting hurt feelings and rejections, but they need time to lick their wounds. Advise them as much as they will accept, give them helpful literature to read, and assure them of your love, then let them be for a time. The same scenario can be applied to adults, even though they may already have a repertoire of coping mechanisms. When you're hurting, you sometimes forget them and need to have the encouragements repeated.

Never feel that it's childish, stupid or self-indulgent to take the time to grieve over the bad that's happened.

Remember that even Jesus was rejected in the worse way. He survived, and you can, too.

"Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. 'Couldn't you men keep watch with me for one hour?' he asked Peter." (Matthew 26:40)

This was when Jesus went to pray, by himself, in the Garden of Gethsemane.