Let's play: Tips on arranging a play date when one or more children has a disability

Any parent knows socialization between children is an important part of growing up, and one that extends for a lifetime.

Parents who have a child or children with a disability may have more of a challenge, which parents of able-bodied children may not face when it comes to setting up play dates.

Experts advise there is one important thing to remember.

"Kids with special needs are kids first, and they want to be included and play with their peers," says Lindsey McMeans, an occupational therapist at the Kenny Rogers Children's Center in Sikeston, Missouri.

Donna Thompson, director of personal care services at SEMO Alliance for Disability Independence, agrees.

"Kids just see each other as kids," she says. "Every kid deserves to have friends that they play with and to have close friends."

The difficulty with setting up play dates between able-bodied children and children with special needs may start with the parents, not the children.

"I think some parents do exhibit reluctance to encourage their child to befriend a child with a disability," McMeans says. "Some parents don't know how to approach or act around those with special needs. I think they sometimes are afraid to say something 'wrong,' or may be afraid of the extra care that having a child who uses a wheelchair would entail if invited to their home for a playdate or birthday party, so they may deter their children from engaging with children with a disability, because they themselves are afraid of it."

Thompson echoes that opinion: "Sometimes it's not even on the children's part. It's on the parents' part, because the parents of the able-bodied children are kind of fearful of the child that is different, because -- what if the child has a seizure in their home, or if a child with autism has a meltdown. ... Those kinds of things inhibit children (with disabilities) from having the kind of normal, everyday experiences that able-bodied children have."

Parents with able-bodied children may find that encouraging their children to interact with children who have a disability will likely prove to be an enriching experience.

Southeast Missourian mascot, Tracker, reaches out for a hug from Dalton Lohmann of Perryville during the first year anniversary of the opening of Melaina's Magical Playland in Cape Girardeau Saturday, Oct. 4, 2014. (Glenn Landberg)

"I always tell the parents it's a win-win for both sides, because the able-bodied child is going to gain insight into having more empathy and being able to put themselves in the position of someone who may have a disability," Thompson says. "They are going to learn how to interact with someone who is different, so they are learning acceptance and empathy."

Similarly, children who have a disability may benefit from having able-bodied friends they spend time with, because special-needs children can model their behavior after their able-bodied counterparts, such as when a child has autism.

Parents of able-bodied children also can benefit from promoting interaction between their children and their peers with special needs, because it can give them the chance to ask questions and relate to those children's parents.

"Moms are still bonding over the fact that they are both raising children," Thompson says.

Sometimes it means just as much to the parents of a handicapped child to be included as it does to the child.

"Nothing feels better to a parent who has a child with a disability than for them to be included in a birthday party or play date, or a sleepover even, because sometimes their children are excluded from those things," she says.

Southeast Missourian mascot Tracker poses for a photo with Caila Vital, left, Marah Brown and Spiderman during the first anniversary of the opening of Melaina's Magical Playland in Cape Girardeau Oct. 4, 2014. (Glenn Landberg)

When the parent of an able-bodied child plans a party and includes a child or children with disabilities, choosing the venue can be one of the biggest challenges.

"I think finding an appropriate, inclusive and accessible venue would be the biggest concern for children with orthopedic/neurological impairments (CP, muscular dystrophy, spinal muscular atrophy, etc.)," McMeans says.

The type of disability the child has and the environment in which a gathering is held can have a significant impact on the success of integrating them with able-bodied children.

For instance, children with autism do not react well to overstimulation.

"That is not something that parents of typically developing 'neurotypical' children have to think about," McMeans says.

Wehrenberg Cape West 14 Cine has "Sensory Saturdays," featuring current children's movies with sound at a lower volume. Aimed toward children with sensory processing difficulties, the children are encouraged to move around during the show.

Melaina's Magical Playland in Cape Girardeau County Park North has a flat, rubber surface, making the playground wheelchair accessible. It also has swings with extra back and arm support, play panels using Braille as well as other sensory components and other accommodations for children with disabilities. The playground is designed for integrated play with children who are able-bodied.

Equally important as letting the children get to know one another is for the parents to know and understand each other, too.

"Communication between parents is a very important part of a friendship between children with and without disabilities," McMeans says. "It can put both parents' minds at ease, and make the overall experience run more smoothly and be more positive for all of the children involved."