LEND ME YOUR EAR: WE FROWN UPON `DOING ANY WRONGDOING'

As our readers know, English has been taking a back seat in classrooms the country over for decades. For more than 10 years, teachers of subjects other than English have been required to assign essays relating to their own subject matter. Even so, basic English continues to sit behind unrelated content and hands-on practice. No hands on, no fun learning, is the tune ringing incessantly in our ears.

Perhaps this is why so many alleged experts in the field of education remain in a fog about what is best for teaching school children the elements of communication. Carelessness in usage has become the norm even among speakers and writers presumed to understand the words they use. Alert newsmakers have informed us that a father has "suspended" his daughter from riding the school bus because the daughter has been suspended from school.

It would be difficult to suspend a daughter or anyone else from a bus. Would the daughter (or whoever) be suspended by a rope, or only an arm, or both. The word wanted was "prevented," but newsmen take their cues from each other, and their misuses spread.

From an AP release, we learned that a father and son who lost a leg each in the Bosnian conflict were now "legless." Not unless both the father and son lost both legs. Newspaper photographs pictured both father and son walking on one leg each.

On a televised panel of long-time publishers half-heartedly bemoaning the outlook for their industry, the editor of Publishers Weekly was asked what effect General Powell's book, "My American Journey," is likely to have on voters. The editor's comment was that bringing the book out before the 1996 elections is "one of the most shrewdest" moves the general could have made. We are not alone in suspecting this was one of the "most ignorantest" solecisms ever committed by an editor of any stamp.

On a highly regarded weekly TV panel, a guest proffered: "I have heard verbally that Powell will do his decision-making process before Thanksgiving." That is the way most of us hear -- verbally -- unless we are limited to sign language. But why not let the benighted general just "announce his decision" and leave it at that?

During a TV confrontation between President Clinton and Congress, a supposedly educated critic declared: "It's hard to pick the moderates from the conservatives." It may be hard to "tell" them apart, but "pick" and "tell" are not classified as synonyms. We may be picky-picky about word usage, but clarity in the use of the language is our reason for writing Lend Me Your Ear.

A CNN regular explains that the medicine prescribed for Janet Reno, who has Parkinson's Disease, "will improve her symptoms." Heaven forbid that the medication will increase what she is going through. Surely the former Florida state attorney is hoping it's her condition that will improve, and the symptoms be reduced accordingly.

On Capital Ideas, a radio program that precedes our Sunday church service, we heard: "The president is adamant to sign anything to get the economy back on track." Sorry, Big Boys, but "adamant" means hesitant or reluctant. President Clinton meant he was "determined not" to sign. Allow me to repeat that we are not judged by the words we use, we are judged by the way we use them.

Another airborne speaker, this one on TV, appears to have overlooked that most rational beings are totally fed up with the O.J. Simpson non-trial. Only a week ago, this news vendor expressed her doubt as to whether the L.A. Police Department "did any wrong-doing."

We frown upon "doing any wrong-doing" in any area of life and living, but especially in educating our young people. And my brow is deeply furrowed over what one phone company maintains: "To be fully aware of the educational value of the cellular phone, you should pick up a `nuk-you-lar' cellaphone."

We have been fully aware of the spelling and pronunciation of NU-CLE-AR for years, and if this company is unable to pronounce its newest product, it reveals what common sense tells us about the value of a nuclear cellaphone as an educational tool.

Gentle readers, bear this in mind before splurging on Christmas gifts for beginners. Books about Christmas, alphabet games, and Play-Doh are more educational, less costly, and add meaning and joy to the season for children and grownups alike.

~Aileen Lorberg is a language columnist for the Southeast Missourian.