LEND ME YOUR EAR: STRIVING FOR USAGE CLARITY, BUT WITH POST IN THE TONGUE

Some time back, I made the mistake of referring to an architectural beauty as a house. To me, a house is a house unless I'm the one living there, though I graciously agreed that hers was indeed a home. So is my three-room rented apartment to me.

From a word-conscious correspondent comes a query about my use of "the whole world" in a recent column. To him, the expression is redundant. To me, it is American idiom and is used widely by experts on usage. Webster's Ninth New defines worldwide as "the entire world." Still, my reader's question was logical. This is not necessarily true of our language.

Wordmaster James Kilpatrick, in response to my recent explication regarding linking verbs, poses a perceptive postulation. He agrees that usage requires him to "feel bad" because if he feels badly something is wrong with his fingers. But he wonders why he can feel keenly about something, or deeply, or strongly, or passionately. Beats me too! I never feel lonely, but idiom permits me to. Lonelily? I can't believe this word exists, but if I ever need it I'll simply recast the sentence.

Guidance counselors and directors of psychiatric clinics usually strive to return their charges to normal. However, one member of one corps has announced that she tries to return her patients to normalcy. True, the condition is normalcy, or even normality, but I believe most of us prefer to think of the student or patient as returning to normal.

An announced reporting from South Central L.A. has informed TV audiences that "On the surface, life appears normally." Sorry, but we have to hold fast to the rule governing linking verbs on this one. Life seems normal, at least in point of usage.

From an ongoing TV commercial, we learn that a business firm is offering products to meet our "personalized needs." I find it useful to have personalized stationery, but my needs are personal unless some identification is required.

As everyone keeps learning the hard way, synonyms are seldom entirely synonymous that is, not in the English language. For a reason I attribute to emphasis on money the world over, equity is fast replacing equality. For those who favor equality for all, a dream known to be impossible, the substitution of equity is slightly out of sync. In my book, equity has to do with finance, and only those with money to invest would dream of equity before equality.

According to an economist whose interest does not include language, "Interest rates have climbed so low we are in a real recovery." Do you climb low? Not unless you are as old as I. Nor can I agree that low interest rates are a sign of recovery. My checking account proves the opposite is true.

Authorities on usage banned overworked expressions such as "the tip of the iceberg" and "the cutting edge" more than a year ago. I sometimes think that if I hear or read "the cutting edge" one more time I'll have to place my sharpest knife under lock and key (another cliche) to prevent my slashing to bits the TV, radio, or a magazine I haven't finished reading. Despite the ban by language experts, however, "the cutting edge" continues to flood the communications world.

My favorite speaker on radio, the incomparable Charles Osgood, avoids "the cutting edge" along with other tired-out phrases by creating delightful substitutes. In a recent segment against hiring people for their looks instead of their qualifications, Osgood changed an ordinance established in Santa Cruz from the Ugly Ordinance to the "Anti-Lookism Ordinance." It requires employers to hire only the unattractive or disadvantaged: applicants who are too tall, too short, bald, stooped, or whatever detracts from their looks. Not even a ring in the nose can disqualify the wearer.

However, one likely prospect had to be turned away because he'd planted a post in his tongue, and this rendered his speech wholly incomprehensible. No matter how hard he tried, how loud his noises, he was unable to turn sounds into words.

Osgood now predicts that an Anti-Soundism Ordinance will have to be established to accommodate the post in the applicant's tongue.