LEND ME YOUR EAR: QUALITY LACKS IN TODAY'S ONSLAUGHT OF `LITERATURE'

Of making many words there is no end

Students of the Bible will recognize the above title as a paraphrase of a passage from Ecclesiastes: "Of making many books there is no end."

Books written before the invention of the printing press were actually scrolls, made of papyrus and lettered by hand. To judge by examples we have seen in museums, and reprints gracing our shelves, all were works of art and show that quality was of the essence.

To our sorrow, the same cannot be said of today's onslaught of what is deemed literature by our so-called "culturati." I have just opened a recent issue of The New Yorker to an ad featuring a book labeled "The Toilets of New York," advertised as a "Litterati Book."

If the subject of toilets is considered bookworthy by the alleged literary intelligentia of America, I see little hope for the future of our literature or language. And with words such as "literati," "culturati," and "glitterati" listed in 10-year-old dictionaries, small wonder that every updated dictionary weighs more than its predecessor. I don't object to the words just the tonnage.

John Updike, in his review of the African novel "Mating," reported some dillies that to our knowledge have escaped recording. Among them are "cornucopious," "pygmalious," and "geniusly," all of which I could easily relate to. But "idioverse" stumps me. Did the author mean "versed in idiom" or "verse written by idiots"?

In an advice-to-men column, the writer offered suggestions to men who are "looking to marry a billionette." In a political column, another creative hopeful stated that the alleged recovery (don't ask which one) was "only a recoveryette." Met any columnettes? Divorcyettes? Welfarettes? Wanna bet you won't?

On a recent talk show, a male psychiatrist used "predatory brainiacs" to describe females who claim to have been sexually abused because a man stared at them in a restaurant or on a bus. The psychiatrist may have had a point. James Wolcott wrote in the December issue of Vanity Fair that James Caan "egotized his technique until the combustion he showed ... became a cozy fire." We believe it was James Caan, not his technique, who had the combustible ego but we always welcome another ize word if only for a laugh. So far dictionary panelists have not verbed "ego."

My Philadelphia friend Anita supplied "anythingarian," another word-a-day offering defined as "one who holds no particular creed or dogma." Although "anythingarian" seems unlikely to find its way to a dictionary, I may adopt it to relate to persons who think anything new is better than anything old. Writers who produce books about toilets in the name of literature are anythingarians.

Last week a TV staffer warned viewers he was about to present a "shockumentary." I get more shocks than I need who doesn't? so I switched to a magazine. First thing that caught my eye was the word "escapologist." I had just practiced escapology myself, and found the word in American Heritage, so my endorsement was unnecessary.

From a newspaper writeup about hyenas, I learned that first-born hyenas have been known to commit "siblicide," presumably out of jealousy of its twin. Mercifully, I have heard of no human twins so moved, and I earnestly hope the word has not put the idea into the head of any twin. To my satisfaction, "siblicide" has not found its way to any of my dictionaries. May it never, assuming I ever add another to my already over-burdened shelves.

According to an item in "Doublespeak," a fascinating book by William Lutz, the U.S. Office of Education has issued a research report containing this sentence: "In other words, feediness is the shared information between inputness, where uputness is a time just prior to the inputness."

If I were a truant officer, I wouldn't even try to track down a student who was exposed to this sort of "feediness." If I were a teacher subject to such vergarbage or garverbiage, I'd play hooky too. Permanently!