LEND ME YOUR EAR: MISTAKES ADD RICHNESS AND CONFUSION TO OUR LANGUAGE

When I was in grade school, the longest word in the English language was said to be "antidisestablishmentarianism." Today, the "Guinness Book of World Records" lists scores of words that are longer, the winner containing 6,000 letters. Lack of space prevents our reproducing it here, and it would serve no useful purpose if we could.

"Antidisestablishmentarianism" is spelled exactly as pronounced and poses no problem for anyone schooled in phonics. Far more difficult are our thousands of short words that contain silent letters, consonants and vowels having a variety of sounds, and the many ways in which the sounds are grouped. We have countless words that, if written phonetically, would be unrecognizable to most of us. How did you pronounce "colonel" the first time you saw it?

By now you have learned that "colonel" and "kernel" are pronounced the same. You also know not to pronounce the k in know, knot, knuckle; the g in gnat, gnash, gnome; the p in pneumonia, ptomaine, psychology, the w in wreck, write, wrinkle. I didn't know not to pronounce the k in knife the first time I was faced with it in my school reader. I was reading aloud, and being overheard was a blow to my ego but an excellent lesson in humility.

We have words beginning with the sound of z but spelled with x: xerography, xenophon, Xerox; and I have seen Xerox spelled zerox. Why not? We spell zero with z. "Xenia" is a city in Ohio, Kansas has a town spelled "Zenith." The explanation isn't all Greek to us just partly.

Before Shakespeare's time, if you had an ache you pronounced it "aitch." As a verb, it was "ake." This tendency was once common and accounts for such variations as speech/speak; stick/stitch; hark/hearken; four/forty, and long lists of others as well. Still, according to David Crystal (The English Language), we have only about 400 irregular spellings in English, with only three percent spelled in unpredictable ways.

The words bury and pretty are among words pronounced with no regard for spelling. "Berry" seems a strange pronunciation for bury, as does "pritty" for pretty, and we have heard both pronounced as spelled, by persons of education. But then Samuel Johnson, compiler of the first English Dictionary, said "heerd" for heard. And why not? "Heerd" rhymes with feared. What excuse do our top-flight scientists have for pronouncing nuclear "NUKE-yoo-ler"? Some TV staffers and others in high office on Capitol Hill are equally careless.

Carelessness is one explanation for the many inconsistencies in spelling in the English language, and at least 350 words in the Oxford English Dictionary owe their existence to typographical errors and misrenderings. According to Bill Bryson, author of "The Mother Tongue," most language authorities also slip occasionally. It's the human condition: no cure has ever been found for human fallibility. Still, mistakes have added as much richness as confusion to our native tongue.

Of the many pronunciations we have for "ough" (through, thought, cough, rough, plough, etc.), only two spellings are likely to be shortened by writers: "though" and "through". Both "tho" and "thru" are listed in American Heritage as informal, though frowned upon by experts. Oddly "thruway" is common, and as acceptable as throughway in dictionary listings.

The one word in this group that distresses me is rough. Why not ruff to cover both? My grandmother wore a stiff organdy or lace ruff around her neck on Sundays, and the stiffness above her rustling black silk gave her a rough time in church. (As did most Lutheran preachers of her day.) Why have lexicographers not dropped rough in favor of ruff for all meanings, as they have done with a number of other homonyms? A rough person is called a "ruffian."

My friend Marjorie Monahan, the pianist, thinks we need more words. Few newcomers trying to learn English would share her opinion, but in view of the multitude of coinages we encounter daily, additions are guaranteed. Many will fall by the wayside, but the best will survive.

Recently, the musical term "quasihemidemisemiquaver" gave me pause. This melodious contribution was fashioned to define a note that is equal to 128th of a whole note. (Only music scholars may know a whole note as a semibreve.) "Quasihemidemisemiquaver" is easy to pronounce if we concentrate on the order in which the emis occur. My hope is that I have copied them in the order presented by my supplier. Any minute now, I may receive a phone call from Marjorie!