Jesus treasures your heart and hopes

Tonight at Mass it was rainy and dark outside, the first time it's really felt like fall this year, and inside the church I felt cozy and loved by God in the warm, dimmed lighting -- his care wrapped around me like a blanket.

For some reason I felt like a freshman again and remembered the desires of my heart from when I first came to Truman more than three years ago, excited, scared and hopeful. Remembering these dreams again led me face-to-face with the fact that somewhere along the way, when I didn't see the fulfillment of these holy desires I hoped for, I let my heart get calloused to them. It hurt too much to keep wanting these things with all of me when they weren't happening. It was easier to let them go instead of trusting in God and feeling disappointed.

Tonight it felt good to sit in Jesus' intimate love of me and the knowledge that he treasures my heart and its desires. It was a gift to remember these dreams and tell God I want that kind of faith back, faith that is on the verge like empty hands held out and waiting, maybe complaining or crying or so afraid, but all with palms faced up. Ready for the heartbeat speedup, the never-settle, the peace. Faith that is willing to do the struggle. Faith that presents him with the things I'm hoping for and trusts him to do something better, that lets Jesus be enough. Something I do know now I didn't know then is that all of this is a gift, and it's only God's grace that lets me understand and experience anything. If I ask for him, he will give himself to me.

Habakkuk 2:3 was part of the first reading tonight, and it gave me hope: "For the vision still has its time, presses on to fulfillment, and will not disappoint; if it delays, wait for it, it will surely come, it will not be late" (NAB).

God does not forget us. Some of my favorite verses in the Bible are the ones that so simply state this. "God remembered Noah." "God remembered Abraham." "God remembered Sarah."

There is something powerful in knowing and believing the Creator of the universe cares intimately for us, from the biggest points to the smallest details of who we are. We are safe in him to dream, to trust him and to make our dreams real when he leads us to them. God has taken care of you and is taking care of you and "will take care of you until you are old and your hair is gray" (Isaiah 46:4, TEV). "Dream" by Priscilla Ahn is a song I've been loving lately that I want to pass along because it conveys all of this so purely, simply and honestly.

If we feel disappointed, God must not be finished yet. Because he doesn't disappoint.

Mia Pohlman is a Perryville, Mo., native studying at Truman State University. She loves performing, God and the color purple -- not necessarily in that order.