IN WORTHY AND HONEST PURSUIT OF GOOD ENGLISH

According to a national survey, verbal SAT scores have fallen to a new low. This is hardly surprising in view of what our school children are exposed to night and day. Rock and rollers are making millions writing and singing incomprehensible idiot trash, while English is being fractured by professionals including educators themselves, to say nothing of those high in government and the corporate world. ~~~Why concentrate on language when the Big Money remains in the hands of those who have never learned the basics?

Best-selling rock includes such dandies as: "You call me sweet like I'm some kind of cheese"; "Baby, I'm a-want you/Baby, I'm a-need you"; "Love is in your touch/It's killing me so much", and Paul McCartney's "Bipbop/Bip bop bop/Bip bop bip bop bam."

Now for a look at examples set by speakers and writers, including those in charge of educatin~g the young. During a televised discussion of a proposed education tax, a school superintendent put in a plug for a friend campaigning for a place on his school board. "He's urging ~to support of the education tax," said the head of the school system. J~ust what this nation needs from someone in a position to hire qualified English teachers.

On a newscast following the failed coup against Gorbachev, a well-known commentator affirmed: "N~either Gorbachev nor the country's condition are likely to improve." Is this long-time staffer likely to improve his expertise in the use of singulars and plurals? He probably has no idea he needs to.

~Several days ago, watchin~g the medical se~gment of a popular talk show, we were privileged to hear from an "expert in treating a common child's illness." W~hat if the child is uncommon say a waif or a prince? All children have diseases in common, but it's the ~illnesses that are common, not the children.

In a recent AP release, we read: "They sang songs of praise, including the bishop." We've heard bishops called worse, but this militant wound up in jail.

A little while back, a young reporter, referring to a man who had survived a second heart transplant after a mistake that might have cost him his life, assured a TV audience that "He hopes no ill will against the doctor who gave him the wrong heart." Communications majors who are unable to distinguish between hoping and feeling need help in word usage. ~We feel emotions, we don't ho~pe them.

Two M.D.s who had written books about their specialties appeared on a TV panel to discuss their work. One was an expert on obsessions. The other inquired: "People with long problems, what is the chance of them recovering?" He meant long-standin~g problems, and modifiers of ~gerunds are construed in the possessive, not the objective. Hence them should have been their~: What is the chance of their recovering?

On a talk show some weeks a~go, an attractive young college miss who aspires to movie stardom, relating her unsuccessful efforts, recounted: "Lately I did get a TV show where I starred on." ~My unsolicited advice to this ambitious young lady is to study remedial English along with actin~g before her next interview. Granted there is someone in Hollywood who can remedy faulty English.

The owner of a vast collection of rifles addressed a TV audience from inside a museum where the rifles were on display. "These rifles are comprised around the world," he explained. He meant the collection comprised every make of rifle used worldwide. A man in his position would do well to learn how to present so rare an exhibition.

Recently, I saw a merit award certificate praising the recipient for her achievements. The lady's name was followed by "The said." The word wanted was aforesaid, but the awardee resented both referents.

"I'm a person!" she fumed. "Not an adjective or a plural pronoun."

The certificate read, in part: "The said ... in worthy and honest pursuit, has unequivocally earned this good and hi~gh tribute in recognition of their undying commitment... ."

So much for our pursuit of excellence in language. But there is one consolation: The whole world is doing its best to help keep English alive!