In praise of kindness, wherever you find it

Sometimes it has fallen to me during a previous 25-year incarnation as a local church pastor to assign adjectives to the dead at their funerals.

Families are vital in coming up with descriptive words at the time of transition, especially in those cases when the officiant is unfamiliar with the deceased.

There is a particular characterization this columnist loves to hear even as ordained ministry is now distant in the rear-view mirror.

"She was kind."

"His kindness was always evident."

A Jesuit wedding benediction has this language:

"May your blessing be upon (the bride/the groom), so that (he/she) may be good and faithful in love, caring for the home and for one another, generous and kind."

The New Testament elevates being kind as one of what St. Paul called one of the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit. (Galatians 5:22-23)

Kindness is a word, at least in my experience, more associated with women -- which makes little sense to me.

Men are frequently called decisive, determined, strong-willed.

Women are often, admittedly not exclusively, referred to as caring, gentle and yes, kind.

Davis Wetherell, a Marquette University graduate and college teacher, suggests kindness is misunderstood and offers these points in an article entitled "Unlocking the Bible."

• Kindness is powerful. Citing God's goodness and lovingkindness mentioned in Titus 3:4, Wetherell suggests kindness is often confused with passivity and ineffectiveness but is actually omnipotent.
• Kindness is stronger than death. Noting the vivid story of the OId Testament character Ruth, a recent widow about to get into a relationship with Boaz, her eponymous book quotes her as saying God's "kindness has not forsaken" either the living or the dead. (Ruth 2:20)
• Kindness prepares for repentance. Change is hard for everybody. Repentance, or "turning around," is not for the weak in spirit. The power of kindness, reflected in the question, "(Do you) not know God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?" (Romans 2:4) Wetherell writes the power of kindness is not merely to make us feel better about ourselves but to help us make changes in our behavior and attitude. Wetherell's thoughtful essay gives me pause here but St. Paul -- a man himself acquainted with significant change in his own life -- seems pretty straightforward about this matter in his long-ago message to the Roman church.
• Kindness can hurt. When someone directly speaks a hard truth to you -- especially in person, it can feel like an aimless and unprompted attack.

"Let a righteous man strike me -- it is a kindness." (Psalm 141:5a)

The risk that another person may take to say something difficult to us can be seen as a compassionate gesture.

As a young man in ministry, a senior colleague told me long ago that I talked too much. At the time, his remark was not well received but once the realization set in that the man had no desire to hurt me, his words were taken to heart. I listen more now.

• Kindness brings honor. "Whoever pursues righteousness and kindness, will find life, righteousness and honor." (Proverbs 21:21)

Wetherell suggests "walking in the way of the world," pursuing secular honors, is inflating to the ego and difficult to resist -- yet insists there is a higher path.

"We are called to strive for a greater honor, to imitate the sufferings of Jesus, which result in an imperishable honor," he writes.

What Wetherell uncovers in his careful exposition of Scripture is that people of faith are called to a countercultural approach to life and living.

Kindness is definitely countercultural and is usually undervalued. Some may call it stupid and naïve.

Given the divisiveness in our country, maybe it is time we choose to march to the beat of a different drummer and choose the kind path.