How my career helped me foster relationships

When I landed my dream job I went back to therapy. Logically, I know that any workplace revolves around relationships just like everything else. But since I worked for so many years as a freelancer, my work life was transactional at best. Relationship development with consistent co-workers wasn't a daily part of my job. So, when I took the job working full time for our local newspaper, I had not expected my unresolved abandonment issues to resurface in my workplace relationships. On closer examination it all made sense.

The hierarchical framework of corporate America meant that all my childhood trauma flared. It was surprising the ways that it played out in my daily interactions and in my daily decisions: my cravings for approval; my hope to do everything perfectly to avoid confrontation. I had lost my inner focus and my purpose. All the things that made my dream job, well, a dream.

My therapist helped me articulate my values to myself and identify how to lean into those in every area of my life while also healing myself. I read everything I could by Brene Brown. I needed her hard lessons in rumbling with vulnerability. I worked hard to put down my unhealthy coping mechanisms (wine and margaritas) and to pick up healthier ones (stretching and meditating) along with making more time to do things I love (reading for fun and hanging out with my family).

Life truly is an ongoing journey of self-discovery, and my career is definitely a part of that. And who you work with really does matter. It can't be a dream job if you're surrounded by toxic people (I'm not. I work with amazing, supportive people who care about me.) But this also required me to do my part. I've watched too many people walk away from jobs because they assigned ill intent in every situation instead of developing a growth mindset. We have to make sure our assessments are fair. The biggest things I've learned in 2023 that I'm trying to put into daily practice are that I have to be more generous in my assumptions, be kind to myself and be honest in my evaluations of both myself and the work I do as well as that of others in my professional mix. In 2024, I want to continue to anchor myself in my values and own the work and mistakes that are truly mine. My hope for all of us is that relationships will grow, mentorships will become more powerful and the work we do will become deeply meaningful.