HISTORICAL TRACINGS OF SPRING HOUSE-CLEANING

There isn't any such word as house-cleaning in my big dictionary. You have to make it up with a hyphen. The nearest synonym is "housework" which is partially defined as "the tasks performed ... such as cleaning." The definition, with all its ramifications, never mentions spring. That word, spring, defined as a season, is 612 pages later on. How did the two ever get together as a phrase that makes some persons shiver and some glad that the time has come?

Probably, way back in the Cave Man Age, the cave got so cluttered with bones that there was barely room to turn around and that, being inconvenient, prompted some mate to say, "It's warm outside. Let's get these bones outta here." And so they dragged them out, flung them over a cliff to form the first landfill.

Not only would it have been warm outside, but acacia trees and oleander shrubs may have been blooming and wild poppies "pokie-dotting" the great outdoors. Turtledoves sounded and bluebirds sang. The cave became bare and smelled fresh and clean with a whiff of olive tree blossoms straying inside to complete the process.

If the cave man or woman had had anything more pressing or interesting to do at that season, they probably would have said to each other. "Skip the bones. Let's find a new cave." Caves were free. But since there were no appointments to be kept, no committee meetings, no clubs to attend, no investigations to be made, arrests, laws enforced, drives and campaigns for this that and the other, carrying dem bones and slinging them over the cliff while sweet little breezes ruffled their fur, er, hair, was rather invigorating. How good was the world, the blue sky, the green grass, the warm sun! Whoops! There went the jaw bone of a boar clean across the gorge.

So might the rites of spring house-cleaning have begun. It trickled down through the historic ages Pericles, Alexandrian, Augustinian, Dark, Feudal, Exploratory, Elizabethan, Victorian until it reached our's, the Space Age.

Somewhere along the line, a shovel and broom were fashioned, probably by the last cave man. Then someone found that the roots of soapwort mixed with water made his hands clean. Others found that ashes did better, most especially the ash water that trickled out from the fire heap when some pot boiled over. In other words, lye.

Finally we arrived at the age of vacuum cleaners, Windex, Endust, Mr. Clean, Comet, Oven-off, silver polish, liquid wax, paint and its twins, Cleaner and Thinner, etc. which were all designed to be used year round and not in just March, April and May. And so ended spring house-cleaning. Or did it? I think not.

Why do I see so much more junk at curbside in the spring to be hauled off and flung over a cliff, or, to keep up with the ages, poured into some gigantic disposal? I see window washers at work. Sheds, fences, trellises, houses are being painted. At some homes, quilts and pillows hang on a clothesline. As long man liveth I think he will want a fresh, clean start in spring. It is just an old racial heritage from dem bone throwin' times.

Too, there's nostalgia involved. Some remember how fluffy the featherbed was after a day in the sun, how bright the carpets were after a dust-beating on the clothesline. The old wooden floors, scrubbed with ashes, sand and water were made almost white for another year. Vinegar and water made the windows so clean you could see clearly to the horizon. Everything outside was fresh and clean and resurrected. One wanted everything inside to be the same.

Now, where is my bottle of Lime-off? I'm going to get that crust off my water faucet. That crust makes the water spurt ever which way. A person needs straight shooting water for spring house-cleaning, especially if he wants to get it done rather quickly so he can get out and see the acacia and oleander, er, violets and spring beauties blooming. How good is the world, the blue sky, the green grass, the warm sun!

REJOICE!