Gaining knowledge as a journalist

In the short time I've been writing for the paper, there are some things I've learned about the journalism world.

One is that you should always carry enough rolls of change to feed the vending machine in the newsroom. I realize it's good to have an actual meal every now and then, but it is proven that humans can live off of Bugles and Pepsi --for two weeks, until the overdose of sugar causes the eyes to explode and the nose cartilage to melt.

Another thing I've learned is that sometimes the reporter and photographer have trouble finding the place they're supposed to be at, turning what should have been a 20-minute drive into a full-blown road trip.

In cases like this, they pull into the nearest Mexican restaurant to have some chips and salsa --hoping the food will restore some of the lost cartilage.

But one of the scariest things I've learned is that you must ALWAYS be accurate.

Sadly enough, Accuracy and I don't get along. Ever since I caught him stealing money out of my wallet, things just haven't been the same between us.

Oh, and yes, Accuracy is male. This was confirmed during a New Year's Eve party in 1976 when someone got so irritated with Accuracy, they came up behind him and pulled his pants down, thus exposing his gender.

Unfortunately the person who did that vicious deed was a reporter who had way too many margaritas after becoming lost on his way to finding the biggest pile of burning leaves ever recorded. This could explain why Accuracy's revenge is focused only on those in the writing field, which happens to include me.

I shouldn't take it personally though, because he's against every writer out there, always trying to make them mess up with factual information.

Next to being eaten alive by their own computer, a journalist's worst nightmare is to see a mess-up in the story they wrote, because that's when they get the calls from angry readers reminding them that their brain resembles a burnt piece of used toilet paper.

In fact, a majority of readers may actually prefer seeing the headline "Local Reporter Eaten by Computer" rather than the wrong time a bake sale is being held. I've always wondered how that Speak Out would go. Something like this maybe?

"Our prayers go out to the family of the young reporter eaten by his computer. However, we also pray that the reporter who printed wrong information about the pre-school's bake sale suffers the same fate. With additional praying, perhaps they will suffer a more excruciating and gruesome death. Oh, and to whoever found my purse: God Bless you."

In the end, though, we pull it off. The majority of readers are happy, we're happy, El Mexican Restaurant is happy.

But we must still worry about Accuracy. He's probably sitting in a dark corner right now, scheming and whispering to himself - just planning his next attack.

He better not mess with me though. I've got some Bugles on my fingertips that might just leave a mark.

Sam DeReign is a student at Southeast Missouri State University. Reach him at sdereign@ semissourian.com