From the same mouth: Blessings and curses

"People can't drive you crazy if you don't give them the keys."

The aforementioned was seen recently in a sign outside First Presbyterian Church in Jackson.

The statement is pithy and memorable. Placing a morsel of wisdom in the context of a readily accessible metaphor such as driving a car is an astute strategy for getting at truth. People are, without doubt, God's most maddening creatures.

We own two cats. We love them but they annoy us with their never-ending cries for food. They are single-minded in their pursuit of sustenance. Annoying but consistent. We know what they want -- always.

People? Finding consistency in beings that the Bible says have been made "a little lower than the angels," (Psalm 8:5) is a real challenge.

The late Steve Jobs, founder of Apple Computer, used to say that he didn't put much stock in focus groups or in conducting polls to gauge public opinion. He refused to use either tactic, insisting that the premise behind them is faulty. Jobs believed that to use them, you have to have a belief that people know what they want. The legendary tech magnate said nobody knows what they want.

That's why the sign hit home with me.

People, and sometimes the same people, are capable of great kindness and amazing ruthlessness. People, and sometimes the same people, are capable of compassion and cruelty.

There are times you see trouble coming and you prepare by girding yourself for confrontation or steering clear. But there are other times that trouble comes from such unexpected sources that you find yourself reeling from a condition akin to shock.

The New Testament says, "From the same mouth comes blessing and cursing. Beloved, this ought not to be so." (James 3:10).

Yes, it shouldn't be so, but it often is. I received some advice a few years ago that really helped me. To wit: If you find yourself on the receiving end of a human blowtorch, with words from a formerly friendly source now turning on you with the force of Hades, step back. Step back and ask yourself, "What is it that this person needs?" Focus on his or her needs, not the words, and you won't be driven crazy.

That advice impacts me nearly with the power of Scripture.

In my past, I was a pastor, and so I'm aware that people are capable of saying practically anything. I used to think that Jekylls who turn into Hydes were simply mentally ill, and that is undeniably true in a few cases, but now I tend to think that healthy people can be burdened with great needs that can overwhelm language. Language is often used, therefore, as a weapon against those who have the desire to help.

The truth of this is seen most vividly in caregiving situations, in which those in pain can turn with great verbal ferocity on family members -- whose only desire is to help.

Returning to that sign in Jackson with the catchy phrase, people can drive you crazy if you give them the keys, if you allow them to drive the mechanism of your mind.

When a human blowtorch begins belching flames in your direction, put the keys in your pocket, step out of the car and ask, "OK, now, tell me what's wrong."

And then listen to the answer. It's the best thing, usually the only thing, you can do.

Dr. Jeff Long, of Jackson, is executive director of the Chateau Girardeau Foundation and teaches religious studies at Southeast Missouri State University.