Examine your problems: Yours? Or someone else's?

So, you have problems? There are numerous things to consider when you contemplate the challenges you face. First of all, recognize that you have a problem; don't deny it. Then ask, are they your problems, or do they belong, actually, to someone else?

Often people take on worries that don't concern them. Isn't it virtuous to worry? No, Scripture tells people not to be concerned about tomorrow -- that tomorrow will take care of itself (Mathew 6:34).

Once you own the problem, face it and admit it. Is it something you can solve, or not? Do you REALLY want to rid yourself of what's bothering you? Perhaps it's serving a purpose of which you're unaware. Once you delve into yourself and look at what's truly bothering you, WITHIN, you may be surprised. You may find there IS something you can do about your challenge.

Perhaps worrying about something, of which you can do nothing about, is filling a void in your life. You're possibly bored, and concerning yourself with someone else's business helps to relieve your boredom.

Maybe you subconsciously like to be the victim? You're so accustomed to playing the underdog role, you think you couldn't exist otherwise. You're comfortable there.

More often than not, what concerns us is not our affair. That doesn't mean we shouldn't try to help, but it means, aside from offering assistance and support, we need to take care of our own matters -- and our own responsibilities.

You complain about baby-sitting for relatives, for example. You let everyone know how put upon you are. You feel as if you're being used and taken advantage of. But do you really want to give them up? If you look at the big picture, you might gain some insight, and either stop the child care, cut down on the amount of time you spend or decide to enjoy it. Think about it. Does an excessive need for love from both the children and their parents make up for the inconvenience, time and work you expend?

Do you allow fear to drive you? "What fear," you ask? It's a fear that most dislike claiming -- that, maybe those for whom you help, baby-sit, cook for or live with, may cease to love you if you discontinue doing the favors. You're afraid you'll be alone, unloved and your life could be empty.

Not true. If people impose upon you, they don't have your best interests at heart, anyway. They may be thinking of themselves. I don't necessarily mean that negatively. Sometimes, people can't afford to hire baby sitters, move out or stop asking for your assistance. It's up to you to decide how much you can take without becoming bitter and angry. Sometimes, changes that seem bad allow space for you to grow and move on. You can't progress without change even when it's frightening

If your conscience is clear, God will see that you're never left alone or unloved. Put your trust in Him.

Be honest and ask yourself. "Is it my problem? Am I getting a perk from it that I hadn't realized or is the challenge one that can be solved?" If you're receiving an emotional or psychological reward, that you hadn't recognized, yourself, is it worth the worry and stress?

If the problem is one that can't be solved because you have little control over it, then you ought to move on with your life and it will possibly take care of itself. Or you may decide, once you've stepped aside, that it wasn't such a problem, after all, or, most importantly, maybe it wasn't YOUR problem. Laina Buenostar, author of the book "You've Got Problems," says, "Problems are a part of life."

Take stock of your predicament and decide to take action, or not. It's unlikely anyone will escape an amount of problems during his life. That's the nature of things, but you can learn how to better understand them, and you, if you look within.

Ellen Shuck holds degrees in psychology, religious education and spiritual direction and provides spiritual direction to people at her office.