Don't wait to be appreciated; just do it!

By Ellen Shuck

The word "anonymous" comes to mind when I think of giving or helping. "Appreciation" is another word of which I think. "Thank you" fits into the puzzle, too. How many yearn to hear a simple word of appreciation?

It seems life is filled with thankless jobs -- things you do over and over, and nobody seems to notice. It almost causes you to want to give up.

"No one notices what I do, anyway," you say. "So why should I bother?"

If you're a child, that viewpoint may be excusable, but not coming from the mouth of an adult. Life experiences prove otherwise.

You eventually adopt a more accurate attitude toward why you should do what's needed without obvious appreciation.

My friend Tony is an example showing why you should help others, regardless of any foreseeable reward.

Tony felt like walking off when his elderly, frail mother showed little appreciation for his efforts to help care for her. Her health was to the point she needed constant care.

Tony decided to move in with her, thinking he could keep an eye on her well-being and provide her with companionship.

Tony wanted to help her while he could. His dad had died suddenly, and Tony was unable even to tell him goodbye. The incident jolted him into realizing life doesn't last forever on earth.

Tony didn't want the same thing to happen with his mother.

She, however, refused to accept his female companion. She failed to measure up to his mother's standards for a wife or girlfriend, and his mother insisted the two move out.

Tony did as she asked, but he was confused, frustrated and very hurt.

Tony sat unraveling his story to my husband and me.

"What reason do I have to keep from getting on a plane and taking off?" he asked. "Just give me three reasons why I should stay around, and I'll stay."

I, too, felt she was being vindictive, but she wasn't likely to change, and she was a good person.

I questioned Tony and asked how he would feel if he left her.

Tony was an only child. I went on to suggest to him if you feel you're doing the right thing, you can't expect a thank you.

After more discussion with Tony and coming up with three reasons he should stay in the area, he stayed and helped his mom until she died a short time ago. He visited and met her needs constantly and drew satisfaction from his sacrifices.

I can see he now is a changed man for the good. The appreciation Tony realized was found mainly within himself -- a new sense of well-being and knowing he was needed and, yes, loved.

Tony's mom finally began to compliment him and show her appreciation by other gestures of love. By that time, Tony had stopped expecting any form of praise, but it was then he received it.

Jesus healed 10 lepers, and only one thanked him (Luke 17:11-19).

If Jesus modeled that attitude, you can do the same.

If you assist others for a pat on the back, forget it. Often you will be applauded, but don't expect praise -- then you will be giving unselfishly.

A Bible scripture, the story of the prodigal son, is a scenario where a kind and generous father received little from one of his sons, except heartbreak; however, rather than cutting him out of his will, the father welcomed him back without a second thought (Luke 15:11-31).

Wanting to hear a word or show of thanks is a common desire -- that is, until you learn it's not the thanks that makes the deed worthwhile.

Rather, it is the act or words that are the blessing. The giver indeed receives the largest gift. When have you felt hurt and used when you failed to receive thanks?