Don't Hold On Too Tightly

Would it be wonderful if you could possess whatever and whomever you wanted? Until one learns that God knows best and everything happens for a reason, that seems attractive. Parents become so used to being primary in the lives of their children, they think this situation will last forever. Then when children mature and pull away, mom and dad are often bewildered and even angry. Their security is being taken.

Believe it or not, controlling others and feeling that you own them can be a source of comfort. Often women continue having children because they like the feeling of self-assurance that having a dependent child can bring.

Couples can be so jealous of each other that their relationship is ruined. Why does one feel the need to hold on to things so tightly? The reason is fear. Fear is the root of most insecurity. When you try to hold on too tightly, the thing you cherish most slips away. That can pertain to your children who must grow and seek their destiny -- friends -- and particularly those you hold most dear. I read a piece of wisdom the other day that summed up the results when you try to make people and things your possessions -- whether out of love or to fill a need you have. It was about sand and relationships.

"Relationships of all kinds are like the sand held in your hand. Held loosely with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most of it will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely with respect and freedom for the other person it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost" (author unknown). I was mesmerized by the statement because I knew it to be true. It's one from which we can all learn.

You have to learn to let go, literally of everything. We own nothing. It all belongs to God -- our beautiful or comfortable home that we're so attached to, people, grandma's sugar bowl or even a prized automobile. You can become over-involved in anything. Becoming attached stunts growth. You are holding on so tightly, to keep the object or person for yourself, that part of you is held captive. When and if you do lose that, which you think you can't live without, you have a lot of adjusting to do. But you have to pick up and continue on with your life. To avoid becoming unduly upset when you have to forego a treasure, whether it's a relationship or object, remove yourself from ownership of it. Recognize that only God is allowed that privilege. Remain free of all attachment so you can remain free and able to live your life without a lot of baggage. It only weighs you down. You are complete in yourself. Everything is on loan to you for a short time. Then if the objects of your affections do not leave you, you will say farewell to them, through death.

"To let go does not mean to stop caring. It means I can't do it for someone else. To let go is not to cut myself off. It is the realization that I must not control another. To let go is not to fix but to be supportive. To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes but to allow others to affect their destinies. To let go is not to be protective. It is to permit another to face reality. To let go is not to regret the past but to grow and live for the future. To let go is to fear less and love more. ("Let Go" author unknown)

Ellen Shuck holds degrees in psychology, religious education and spiritual direction and provides spiritual direction to people at her office.