CONTENTS UNDER PRESSURE: SWITCHING PURSES IN MIDSTREAM NO EASY TASK

I need a new purse.

Since there are dozens of retailers out there stocking hundreds (probably thousands) of purses, clutches, totes, handbags, backpacks and other personal luggage items, this shouldn't be a problem.

But it is.

Let me elaborate.

A year or so ago, I decided to take a chance on one of those "wallet-on-a-string" affairs, which were meant to make women's lives more convenient by letting them use this handy-dandy new gadget instead of lugging around a big, heavy purse.

Balderdash, say I, but I had to learn it the hard way.

It's not my fault; I'm a victim of marketing.

Aside from sounding like a village in England, wallets-on-strings won't hold a number of essential, semi-essential and just plain must-have items necessary for everyday survival. Lipstick. Lip balm. Compacts. Combs, brushes, hair scrunchies, and other grooming and hygiene items.

So I decided to use my wallet-on-a-string as a wallet-in-a-backpack and found a terribly trendy suede backpack at a large discount store for about $8.

But $8 suede backpacks don't last the way they used to. It's threadbare in places. The nap is wearing off. And I'm tired of it.

So I need a new purse.

And the truly painful part is I probably also need a new wallet, because the wonderfully compact, structured, trendy purses out there aren't big enough to hold my wallet-off-a-string-thrown-in-a-backpack.

Persons of the male persuasion don't understand why this is such an agonizing dilemma for us girls. A co-worker recently chided his wife because she hasn't yet made the move to a new purse he bought for her.

Changing purses is no cakewalk. It takes planning. Excruciatingly detailed, clear-eyed, cold-hearted planning. An entire life, even a subculture, is being uprooted.

It's not something you do on a whim.

The crux of the matter is not so much all the stuff that goes into the purse, it's determining what stuff to throw out of the purse. Forever and ever, amen.

Or tracking down the original owner of the stuff. (Does this sound familiar? "Honey/Mommy, put this in your purse for me." 'Nuff said.)

So throwing out accumulated receipts, advertisements, nuts, bolts, golf balls, golf tees, Happy Meal toys and Barbie shoes isn't quite as easy as it sounds.

Molten lipstick (the kind you left in the ratty old purse you left in the really hot car) can go. Quickly.

And if a new wallet is needed, the dilemma is more pressing. I put the stuff in the wallet because it was too vital to just let it roll around in the backpack. But is it important enough to relocate to a new wallet?

Pictures, yes. Receipts, not if they're more than six months old. Unless they're ATM receipts, in which case it depends on what my balance shows. Coupons, maybe. (If they're for food, no. If they're for pantyhose, yes.)

I suppose there are a few painful lessons to be learned here. First, when choosing a personal luggage item, remember, it is the size that counts.

And second, ignore trends at all costs. Although, I did see these really cute patent leather totes about the size of lunchbags....

Oh, and third, in some countries it's perfectly acceptable for men to carry purses.

~Peggy O'Farrell is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.