CONTENTS UNDER PRESSURE: NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS RAISE WEIGHTY ISSUES

I noticed a theme while I was flipping through the sales brochures this weekend.

Exercise equipment, diet shakes, diet pills, workout videos, workout clothes. They're all on sale.

Of course, there's a reason for that. Does anyone out there not know someone who's resolved to lose a few pounds in 1997?

Living a healthier life is certainly an admirable goal, and one most of us would gain from.

Past history tells me my resolve is no steelier than my abs.

However, because hope springs eternal (and quite frankly, so do my thighs), I've signed up again with a health club.

I'll be the chubby brunette glowering at the Stairmaster.

Actually, I prefer to think I'm too much woman for most men.

This time around, though, a friend and I have agreed to work out together.

We'll either both lose weight or never see each other again. It should be exciting.

While doing my pre-shopping warmup, I think I spotted one special offer of a jog bra and matching thong for $11.99. Extended sizes up to XXXL were available at a slightly higher cost.

I wear "extended sizes." I know they really mean "fat-girl clothes." And I also know those of us who wear those sizes shouldn't oughta be running around in our underwear in public.

Here's my resolution: I may not do one leg lift or lose an ounce, but I promise not to wear a thong to the gym.

My friend Eileen was telling me about a book she found. "The Lazy Person's Guide to a Better Body in Six Weeks," or something like that.

I'd borrow it, but I'd probably spend the six weeks finding excuses not to read it.

It's easy to make jokes about excess poundage -- easier, certainly, than doing anything about it.

But in a society where image is everything, it's important to get a reality check every once in a while.

Yes, roughly half of all Americans are overweight -- maybe more. And yes, I've occasionally been tempted to stomp a few of my size 6 friends into the ground when they start whining about how huge their thighs are.

But comparing your body image to Kate Moss's is not realistic. And there is nothing funny about anorexia or girls using heroin to stay thin.

Granted, junkies are some of the skinniest people you'll ever meet. But I don't think they qualify as attractive.

Body images change every 40 years or so. Remember all the love goddesses of the '40s and '50s? Ava Gardner could not be considered bony, and it wasn't Rita Hayworth's ribs people were lining up to see.

Perhaps the most telling indication of the growing gap between image and reality is the increasing number of men being treated for eating disorders. There was a time when they were exempt from that particular pressure.

But in my case, I didn't get to be this size by eating celery and brown rice, so it's going to take more than a few crunches to get me from flabby to fabulous.

But if there's a machine that'll make me look like Rita Hayworth, hey, I'm there.

Peggy O'Farrell is a copy editor for the Southeast Missourian.