Computers put dad in a jam

Computers don't like me.

No sooner than I sit down at the keyboard of our home computer than it freezes up. It refuses to obey my commands.

My wife, Joni, says I'm a human virus. "You are what empowers the computer repair business," she tells me.

Of course, my wife has never run into a computer she doesn't like. She's the webmaster at Southeast Missouri Hospital. It's her job to be computer friendly.

I have no such illusions.

As a journalist, I have mastered the art of stroking the keys. But I don't pretend to understand the mind of a computer.

Even my computer at work balks at my commands from time to time. But I've learned to deal with it. I pull out the cord and then plug it back in.

Of course, the computer tells me I've performed an illegal shutdown. But as far as I know, it's not a crime.

Don't get me wrong. Computers have their place in society.

Through the Internet, a world of information is just a click away.

Joni says I click too much sometimes. I don't mean to confuse the computer. It's just that I'm in a hurry to move along this information highway.

Joni and our daughters, Becca and Bailey, have become fans of a new computer game that they play on their PlayStation2.

I don't even understand the game, much less play it.

I have enough trouble trying to cope in the real world, much less the virtual one.

Cassie, our year-old Sheltie, has a hard time with technology too. She pulled out the PlayStation controller as she ran wild in the living room. Joni says she was trying to "rumble in the jungle" of the video game when disaster struck.

Fortunately, the disaster was short lived. She pulled the cord back in and returned to her video journey which included stampeding rhinos. "I've got rhinos chasing me," she called out from the living room couch as she manned the computer controls.

Technology is everywhere. Even on soft drink cups.

Pop singer Rachel Farris' independent record label is embedding mini-CDs in the lids of soft drink cups at movie theaters nationwide and a few theme parks.

And to think that people used to buy the soft drinks just to quench their thirst. Future soda drinkers will demand their cups have CD lids too.

It's only a matter of time until the simple cup becomes obsolete, replaced by a whole host of computer-essential items.

Of course, some technology is good.

Becca, our 11-year-old, isn't fond of camping out in the great outdoors in the heat of the summer without air conditioning.

She doesn't mind church camp. That's because the cabins are air-conditioned and have amenities like running water and real toilets.

There's even e-mail there and parents can download digital photos of their children at play.

I like that part of technology.

It's great to be able to send our daughter letters without the need for a zip code or a single stamp.

Becca will tell you that a little technology goes a long way even outdoors.

I agree. But it goes farther when you're a computer professional and the cursor isn't jammed.

Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.