College student speaks out

If I don't have the time or patience to read the whole newspaper, I will at least read Speak Out. Not only is it the most entertaining part of the paper, but it also opens my eyes to some of the more important topics concerning the good people of Southeast Missouri.

Since I have never actually written a Speak Out myself, I thought the little column I am provided with would be the perfect place to start. These, of course, will be written in Speak Out format and will also contain common Speak Out words such as "kudos" and "David Limbaugh." To avoid starting any kind of riot, however, I will not be using those words in the same sentence.

• For several months now, I have had to walk by a grotesque image of male genitalia painted on a sidewalk by the Show Me Center. Is there any sort of authoritative figure at Southeast Missouri State University that can fix this eyesore? I realize there are larger projects the campus is focusing on such as the swimming pool, but I'm sure I'm not alone when I say a sidewalk is no place for genitalia. However, if the cost to remove this genitalia from the sidewalk will increase tuition, I'm sure I'm also not alone when I say the genitalia can obtain permanent residence on the sidewalk if it would like.
• Kudos to Cape Girardeau for putting up such a wonderful network of traffic lights at those pesky intersections. The confusion as to who should go first and who to give the middle finger to has decreased tenfold.
• I would like to thank the unkempt gentleman who smelled of liquor and several failed marriages for cussing me out at the book store I work at. You wear your heart on your sleeve, sir, and your genuine honesty made me realize how bad I really am at selling books.
• Does anyone else think painting political commentator David Limbaugh's face on the "Missouri Wall of Fame" mural would attract more downtown publicity? Love him or hate him -- either way you're going to end up wanting a beer and hamburger.
• I now regret voting for the increase in minimum wage. Hardly anyone, including myself, made $5.15 an hour. And the people who actually were making that amount probably spit in our milkshakes. So what it boils down to is this: We now have to pay more for milkshakes that are probably going to have spit in them anyway.
• Does anyone else think that if the stoplights by Steak-n-Shake take any longer to change, they might as well tear down Steak-n-Shake and build a drive-in theater?
• I would like to comment on Kent Library's recent renovation. After moving almost all of the computers, which were conveniently placed at the main entrance, you build a "cafe" and disperse a few comfy chairs in their place. Does the campus not know that the majority of students who enter Kent Library go there with the intention of getting out as quickly as possible? To be quite honest, I've never seen a more lonely barista.

Sam DeReign is hoping these Speak Outs will open the eyes of Southeast Missourians as much as their Speak Outs have opened his. Contact him at sdereign@gmail.com.