CIVILITY SUFFERS IN THE FAST LANE

Occasionally I review George Washington's "Rules of Civility" to see how I'm doing, or, for that matter, how the nation is doing since there seems to be a current lament about the demise of civility.

George suggested that you shouldn't sing nor hum to yourself in the presence of others, nor drum your fingers either. No worry for me there. The only time I activate such voices is in the presence of butterflies, toads or black-backed beetles. I assume they aren't attuned to the exact, on-the-pitch do, re, mi. At church I lip sing!

My rings, by the time they get over my big knuckles, are too loose. If I drum my fingers it sends these diamonds, rubies, emeralds for cover to my palms which makes it appear, on the outside hands, as if I'm wearing wedding bands on both hands and sometimes the little pinkie. Two husbands and a half!

Speak not when others speak, admonishes George. I suppose he meant that when someone is giving a formal speech one should not be speaking to others seated around him/her. But if George means conversational speech, there I fail dismally, but not as dismally as talk show participants, especially those on Crossfire. But if he means one on one in a friendly visit, I'm rudely excellent at beginning a comment before the other person is done because I know what the rest of his/her sentence is going to be. This dubious accomplishment is exemplified by Larry King who is quick to snap a caller's question off because he can get the drift of the question or complaint quicker than the caller, and in the interest of moving along, Larry can get in more calls.

In defense of myself, I usually indulge in this only when the one I'm talking to has the same habit. We make no apologies and smile at this questionable propriety.

George's Rule No. 39 must have been made when he was young and the evil days had not come when he could not call up the name of someone or the word he wanted. The rule reads like this: "When another speaks, be attentive . . .If any hesitate in his words, help him not . . .interrupt him not . . . till his speech be ended."

Help him not? What halting conversation some of us would have if our listener did not help. A typical conversation might be thus:

"This, this, (long pause) whatever his name, might be all right, but Colin Powell made me feel safe. "This, this (longer pause) . . ."

"Shalikashvili?"

"Yes. Shally Cash Veeley. Funny name, isn't it?"

"Just because a name is hard to spell and pronounce doesn't mean he isn't - isn't - you know?"

"Qualified?"

"Yes. Qualified."

"Do you think we ought to be fighting over there now?"

"Over where?"

"You know. Over there in those mountains east of Italy?"

"Serbia?"

"The whole area's called something else. Sounds like a, well, something like a mule."

"Muledonia? I don't think that's the right name."

"No. I mean what a mule's like. I think it starts with a B."

"Brash? Brainless? Balky?"

"That's it! Balkans. Over there in the Balkans?"

Oh, George, to restore civility, maybe Rule No. 39 ought to have an asterisk by it now with a footnote saying, "In some cases it is better to help out than to help not."

REJOICE!