Celebrate Christmas with reason

"What do you want for Christmas?" is a common question families ask.

After exhausting myself each year attempting to please everyone, I wondered if gifts have to be something people choose. What's happened to "giving and receiving from the heart," regardless of the gift --appreciating that you received anything at all?

I pondered how people could be disappointed with most gifts -- wanting something else instead. Christmas is truly one of my favorite seasons of the year. But it seems I spend more time and effort figuring out what gifts to procure than I do participating in meaningful activities -- those events honoring Jesus' birth that are available only at Christmas. Then there's the dilemma of knowing how much to spend on every family member. For sure, I must buy or make the same amount of gifts for each, not wanting anyone to feel left out or shortchanged. Whew! There are just too many decisions and unnecessary work to accomplish at Christmas time.

I participated in a discussion group recently and a common issue surfaced. Everyone said they experienced added fatigue and stress during the Christmas holidays. Many members of the group hoped to find ways to manage and change "their" unrealistic expectations at Christmas. Most said they would prefer forgoing many of their holiday preparations.

Much Christmas depression is triggered by exhaustion, overspending and expecting too much from friends and family members. Too, one often misses those deceased and feels sad and lonely. People often hold idealistic dreams of how people ought to be at Christmas, painting impractical pictures in their minds of fantasies that can never happen. They end up disappointed. It's highly unlikely that all the problems of life and relationships evolving over the years will disappear over Christmas Day. Hope for the best but be prepared to deal with less-than-perfect situations.

People frequently obtain gifts for others they can't afford, placing themselves in debt. They attempt to get "everything" someone desires rather than stopping at one or two gifts. When the magi brought presents to the infant Jesus, they used reason in what they brought -- gold frankincense and myrrh (Matthew 2:11). Their gifts expressed meaning. During this Holy Season of giving, people tend to forget all giving doesn't necessarily need to be done on Christmas Day. Birthdays and other celebrations offer opportunities to show love with a gift.

Another stressor is trying to adopt the priorities of others. Most people in the discussion group said that although they enjoyed having beautiful lights and decorations, the extra work added stress. Others said they put up a tree because "everyone else did." Many remarked they would prefer to place their names in the family drawing with their adult offspring, and buying gifts only for the children.

Just think, we do so many things only because everyone else does. We continue popular traditions even when the time and rationale for them is gone.

In spite of its hustle and bustle, Christmas remains a favorite time of the year. And my greatest joy is derived from singing carols, gathering with others, viewing spiritual scenes and programs, and admiring other's decorations. Good food and the love and warmth of loved ones offer immense pleasure.

Holiday church services and theater prompt me to contemplate the ramifications of the birth of that baby, Jesus. So this year I choose to concentrate on honoring and pleasing God at Christmas. I'll attempt to take my own advice and "use reason" as I celebrate Christmas.

Ellen Shuck is director of religious education at St. Mary's Cathedral Parish.