BY THE WAY: STRANGER HULLABALOO BECOMES CHEAP THRILL

With the help of my trusty-but-tattered dictionary, I learned the true meaning of a hullabaloo weekend in St. Louis.

Some friends talked me into going to a downtown store called Hullabaloo. Hullawhat? I wondered aloud.

Webster defines hullabaloo as "a confused noise; uproar; used to hush children." I might have guessed that it had something to do with a violent sneeze.

Well, I'm not sure that's exactly what it felt like, but there was definitely some confusion going on. I didn't see any children in the store, but if they saw the man wearing a pink wig, pink lipstick and heavy-duty high heels, they surely would have stayed hushed for a little while.

I wondered if perhaps this was really Jerome Bettis on the lam from the St. Louis Rams training camp. When the pink wig made an about face, however, I realized Bettis must be elsewhere.

I should be elsewhere, I thought.

This is a store that caters to people who can't let go of the '70s and '80s. There are all kinds of Charlie's Angels posters, black lights and parachute pants. There are ties people accepted as gifts but never wore.

Considering how far she has come since Charlie's Angels, I doubt if Farah Fawcett would want to admit she actually posed for these posters.

There are jackets with patches that say U.S. Postal Service and Dominoes Pizza.

There are black lunch boxes being touted as purses and purses that are advertised as lunch boxes. There are T-shirts that look like they've been recycled by the Hell's Angels.

I couldn't help being amused at it all. What was strange, however, is that the longer I looked at all the clothes, posters and mood rings, the more this man wearing a pink wig and a plastic dress seemed to fit the territory.

He seemed too muscular to feel comfortable in his tight dress. I felt like calling him a fake transvestite. But hey, if he was doing his thing, who was I to pass judgment?

I tried to take a better attitude make a repeat stroll through the store. But I just couldn't convince myself this store was anything but comic relief.

My friends told me items from this store were used in the most recent Brady Bunch movie. Maybe they could even accommodate the cast if there is ever another Wild Bunch movie. That would be the only way they could sell any of this stuff, I thought.

But for a cheap laugh or two, it wasn't bad.

~Bill Heitland is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.