BY THE WAY: HEADS UP MAGAZINE READS LIKE TOXIC WASTE

Sometimes a literary diversion can be just the tonic to chase away the blues on a rainy Monday morning.

At least this is what I thought while peering at the summer issue of Heads Up magazine. Just what I needed to start a new work week, I thought.

Heads Up is a magazine devoted exclusively to beer drinkers who want to stand up and shout "Give me Lite (beer), liberty and justice, the American way." Hic-hic-hooray!

Upon flipping through the 12-page issue of this colorful magazine, I realized the appeal is to those who want to fight high taxes levied on their favorite suds.

I thought it interesting that on the cover of this quarterly issue was a picture of a baseball player swatting a white spheroid out of the park. The headline reads : "Beer Drinkers of America Members Hit 'Em Out of the Park."

Perhaps no one bothered to tell the editors and illustrators of the magazine that there is a baseball strike. Then again, maybe they wanted to fill the void with a picture of their own favorite pastime.

The batsman has "Beer Drinkers of America" stitched prominently on his jersey. The catcher, obviously the enemy, has "Beer Taxes" emblazoned on the back of his jersey.

The scoreboard has plenty of numbers racked up for Beer Drinkers of America. Beer Taxes has nothing but goose eggs. I wonder who wins this game.

Bill Schreiber, who is the president of the magazine, tells us that Beer Drinkers of America has a darned good track record for battling proposed tax increases on beer.

Wrote Schreiber in objective fashion, "If a Hall of Fame is ever built to honor grass roots organizations, Beer Drinkers of America would be a shoo-in, thanks to our nearly .800 `lifetime batting average' against oppressive new state and federal beer taxes."

It seems that in 1993 the organization helped block three separate attempts in Washington, D.C., to increase beer taxes by "100 percent or more to pay for an economic stimulus plan, a deficit reduction plan and the national health care plan." Heady stuff.

In 1990, members sent more than 150,000 letters and cards to Congress, preventing a proposed 400 percent federal beer tax hike. Here's to more letters~!

The issue even has All-Stars listed. This because of "their strong stands against any new federal taxes on beer."

A picture of Representative Mel Reynolds (D-Ill.) and Beer Drinkers Of American "super advocate" Lee Brayfield are on the same page in which the impressive track record against heavy beer taxes are located.

This is the same Mel Reynolds who is facing charges of having sex with a minor. I'm thinking Beer Drinkers of America may not be the best magazine for him to appear in right now.

There are even some member profiles. This edition profiles Paul Myhrom, 38, a city council member and bicycle store owner from Rochester, Minn. Says Paul, "I enjoy drinking beer and oppose the government's efforts to restrict or prohibit the responsible beer drinker and his or her right to consume such a fine beverage. I also oppose the government's efforts to excessively tax it." Now that comes as a complete surprise.

Under the category of what beer issues are most important to him, Paul says,"Excess taxes of course are important to me. But I'm also concerned with the anti-drinking views held by a majority of politicians." Party on, Paul!

It doesn't take long to realize that the word tax or the phrase excessive tax are in virtually every article of this magazine.

Concludes Paul, "What is wrong with a guy coming home after a hard day's work and cracking open a beer? Nothing!"

Exactly Paul. But don't tell me how much tax I'm paying for the privilege. I have a feeling you and your pals are getting taxed a lot more than I am.

bill Heitland is a staff writer at the Southeast Missourian.