BUCKING THE SYSTEM: SOMTIMES IT IS SO GREAT TO BE A WOMAN

* Husband's hospitalization demanded my constant companionship.

When I gave birth to my first son, my husband was very loving, very happy to be a father, very glad the complicated delivery was a success.

But he was also very leery of being in a hospital any length of time and limited his visits to under 30 minutes whenever he came to check on us during our three-day stay.

A little more than two years later, his response was much the same for the birth of our second son. This time, Patrick managed somewhat longer stays but was very relieved when I was released on the second day.

My gall bladder removal came just two weeks later, and he continued his series of frequent-but-short visits.

I was very understanding throughout all of this because I know my husband tries to avoid hospitals. Besides, someone still had to pay the bills while I was incapacitated, so I encouraged him to go to work and let my mom take care of me.

Of course, there was the little voice in the back of my mind that kept saying "You'd be there if he were the one in the hospital, even if the only thing you did was sit there and read a book."

It's funny how prophetic that little voice was. Patrick was hospitalized for an entire week recently for two surgeries to correct a problem in his back, AND HE EXPECTED ME TO BE WITH HIM THE ENTIRE TIME.

Faithful wife that I am, I carted my children to Charleston for an extended stay with Granny and Pawpaw, rearranged my work schedule so I could be off several days, and spent the rest of my time in a not-so-comfortable chair in a hospital in west St. Louis County.

I was actually scheduled to work the day between the two surgeries but wound up taking off after four hours because my husband was acting extremely belligerent with the hospital staff, even threatening to go home with the procedure half-finished.

Upon my arrival everyone breathed a sigh of relief, and I took the brunt of his anger that he had misdirected due to a lack of food and nicotine and an overdose of fear and pain.

I'm sure the female readers aren't surprised to hear that my husband has now decided that he needs me. Anyone who has lived with a man knows it only takes one good illness -- in this case, a hospitalization -- for them to realize they can't make it on their own.

That's when the wife must become very helpful and see to needs before any request is made. She must nurse his ailment and his ego and adjust his pillows and ensure the house's temperature is just where he likes it.

She must buy special groceries and prepare meals and remind everyone that her husband is not up to par. She must go on and on and on about how much weight he's lost and how he DOES look just a little peaked.

In other words, the wife must treat her husband as if he were her child for the duration of his illness because he is and will be a baby throughout this entire ordeal. There is no need to remind him that he didn't look after her similarly during her incapacitation; that would only hurt his pride.

Besides, and this I know: His little voice (and my long-suffering sighs) are all the reminders he will need.

Sometimes it is so great to be a woman!

Tamara Zellars Buck is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.