BUCKING THE SYSTEM: REFLECTIONS ON WATCHING A SISTER GROW UP

You'd be amazed how close you can become when your only companions are your sister or a dog that prefers sleep to your company.

Today I will share a very special moment in my sister Clarissa's life. She's graduating summa cum laude from Florida A&M University with a degree in mathematics, and the family is gussied up with cameras in hand in preparation for this family milestone.

We've been planning this trip since September, but only recently have I started thinking about what's about to happen. My sister is graduating from college. It's hard to fathom. We haven't lived together in about eight years, but I still think of her as almost an extension of me, and it's hard to believe she's old enough to graduate.

I remember when Dr. Ho let me hear Clarissa's heartbeat through his stethoscope for the first time. I thought she was the neatest thing in the world and couldn't wait for her to get here. Then my parents brought her home from the hospital. She was so little then, and I was SO jealous of her for getting everyone's attention.

Sure she was cute, but all she did was lay there. What was so great about that?

Anyway, time marched on, and Clarissa learned very quickly to keep up. She walked at 7 months and could read as a 4-year old, mainly because I spent a lot of time making her play school with me. The older she got, the cooler she became as a sister.

And then there were the bad years. Clarissa was a nasty little 8-year old who would not keep her half of the room clean. So I did what any self-absorbed 12-year old would do: I moved out.

I think I hurt Riss' feelings when I took over the guest room, because we had slept in the same bed or room our entire lives. I abandoned her, but she got even. She read my private poetry, eavesdropped on my phone conversations and basically made a complete nuisance of herself.

I responded by hiding out in the bathroom (the only doors in the house that locked) and by reading constantly.

After I became a teen-ager, Clarissa and I became more absorbed in school activities than each other. We still fought occasionally, but quite frankly that was too much effort. It was easier to ignore each other and spend time with our friends. Even so, we found time for a lot of good times.

Our first real separation didn't occur until I went to college. Then I think we both went into withdrawal because we couldn't see each other. Mom and Dad paid the bills, but I don't think they realized just how often we called each other just to say "whatcha doin'?"

We're still doing that. It's amazing how many times Riss "just happens" to call the parents when I'm there (thank God for 1-800-COLLECT). She calls when she's lonely, bored or broke, and I do the same.

Now more than ever I realize that Clarissa is one of the best people I know. She is a great friend who gives good advice, she manages money very well and she isn't hard on the eyes at all. Anybody know a good man for her?

Before applying, please note that she has a very protective father, mother, brother-in-law and sister. Her 10-month-old nephew also has a mean bite when he's aggravated.

Now that she's grown, Riss' plan is to stay as far away from Southeast Missouri as she possibly can. She's leaving Florida and headed for graduate school in Arizona, and she claims she's only coming back home for short visits. Of course, that was my plan, too.

Now I'm married with children and living in the thick of things.

It doesn't really matter where Clarissa lives, because wherever she is she's just a phone call or a few gallons of gas away. And she'll always be in my heart.

I'm just glad I'm not sharing a bed with her anymore.

~Tamara Zellars Buck is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.