BUCKING THE SYSTEM: POSITIVE EGO-TRIPPING WILL RESULT IN A LESS DEPENDENT SOCIETY

People often think of ego-tripping as something that knocks you down, but I learned this week that it can also build a person up.

Once upon a time I ego-tripped every time I considered an able-bodied welfare recipient. Welfare is for children, the elderly and infirm, and in my glass-housed mind, people with fully-functioning bodies and minds should have been made to use them.

I guess this attitude stemmed from the fact that I've been working and liking it most of the time since I was 13 years old. It's simply incomprehensible to me why anyone would want to lie around the house and wait on a "free" check to come rather than getting out and being reimbursed for doing something worthwhile.

Another ego-trip for me was the concept of baby as moneymaker. I was 25 years old and married and had been to college and had a decent job when I had my first child: Patrick and I are barely making ends meet.

I don't understand the women I've known who could rationalize having another baby so that they could receive a bigger check. There's still not going to be enough money, so how in the world can a baby free up more money?

This week my negative ego-tripping ended when I saw a different side to welfare recipients. I've visited the Jump Start on Jobs program several times this week and even led a seminar on juggling work and family. The revelations stopped my ego-tripping cold.

I didn't know the circumstances of any of the participants in that weeklong job training program; they were all women of varying ages who were unemployed and receiving some type of government assistance. I applauded the women for taking the initiative and going to work, but I really didn't understand their lives.

Even so, I had an open mind going into the workshop, and I learned a lot because of it. The main thing I learned is that sometimes something besides an able body and mind has to be present before a person receiving cash assistance can go look for a job.

All of the participants had few job skills, low self-esteem and absolutely no confidence. They'd been told what they couldn't do for so long that they had no confidence in themselves. They'd also been under- or over-disciplined as children and had had no one to train them in how to sit, shake hands or ask questions during an interview.

These were all things I've taken for granted my entire life. I thought everyone was taught basic telephone etiquette as a child, and I've always known what good manners are and that they never go out of style.

Somehow these women had missed that. So here they were, 20, 30 or 40 years of age, learning things I'd learned as a child. It was an eye-opening experience for me.

I now know that sometimes a person needs an able spirit and a helping hand in order to break the cycle of aid dependence. All of these women had someone urging them on, telling them they were worthy and could do it for an entire week. They absolutely glowed when they received even the smallest praise or compliment.

Individuals, civic groups and government agencies are working together to help more people gain the confidence and job skills needed to move from welfare to work. Most of the workers understand the time and patience that's needed to help aid-dependent people convince themselves they can obtain and hold a job, and they're giving them what they need to succeed.

Sometimes ego-tripping is a necessary, positive thing. I applaud the Jump Start on Jobs graduates who learned how to do it right this week.

~Tamara Zellars Buck is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.