BUCKING THE SYSTEM: MUTUAL RESPECT MAKES FOR LASTING FRIENDSHIPS

People who pursue "bad guy" careers in their communities deserve admiration rather than animosity.

An old adage that is very true claims that you shouldn't do business with friends or family. That's a prophetic concept; one which Patrick and I have learned the hard way.

I think I could develop another proverb that's equally true using a broader variation of that same theme. Let's see, it should probably refer to one's career and it definitely should focus on relationships and dual responsibility.

I've got it: Don't blame your friend for doing his job when you haven't been doing yours.

Let's look at this concept for a minute. On face value, it could be referring to simple envy or, on a broader note, to professional jealousy. I want to take you to another level, though, so I'm going to suggest a really broad theme.

If you have friends in "bad guy" careers, and you are the bad guy, then you shouldn't blame those friends for doing their jobs.

You're probably wondering if I'm talking about anyone in particular. Well, yes, actually, I am. For example, last month I noticed several of Cape's finest trying to enjoy a relaxing evening out on the town. A couple of them were hometown boys, and I was surprised at the number of wisecracks, hard stares and downright cold shoulders they received from people they had known all or most of their lives.

These were people they'd grown up with; people who now live in their neighborhoods. People whom they'd had to arrest for breaking the law.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not a person who believes the police should receive blind adulation simply because they are THE MAN. But I also don't think the police should be blamed for doing their jobs appropriately when they weren't the ones who broke the law in the first place.

You see, I think we often expect our friends to take care of us because we know them. If they are bartenders, we deserve at least one free drink. If they work for the cable company, then it's free HBO for everybody. If they are police officers, we shouldn't be given a ticket.

If they are reporters, they should only report the positive aspects of the news as it pertains to us.

You did know where this was going, didn't you?

It's not right, nor is it fair to put that kind of pressure on your friendship. You expect the rules to be bent because you've "got a guy," when in fact, you should be on your J-O-B.

If you won't pay your cable bill, the cable guy is obligated to turn it off. And if you don't obey the law, it's a real possibility that the police will come get you.

If you do something newsworthy -- good or bad -- it's a reporter's job to cover it.

This is a community newspaper, which means we cover a good amount of soft news. People like to be involved in the soft news, which includes a lot of promotional and feel-good stories. Most reporters don't mind covering soft news, either, because interviews are easy to obtain and people smile for the camera.

It's the hard news that turns off the smiles and sours good friendships and decent acquaintances. Hard news means activity, sometimes good and sometimes bad. In a community you're going to have your share of both, and good or bad, your community newspaper is going to report it.

"That's okay," you tell yourself, "I've got a guy."

Wrong answer. Like the police officers, a reporter has an obligation to do his or her job appropriately. Sometimes this means writing a story about a friend or acquaintance which places them in a bad light.

That shouldn't matter. A reporter is supposed to maintain balance, fairness and integrity in their writing, no matter what or who is the subject. If they can't do that, they should pull themselves off of the story.

Regardless of the career, you shouldn't use your relationships to gain freebies, passes, or good press. Use your own bootstraps to pull yourself up, and stop relying on familiarity, which only drags your friends down.

~Tamara Zellars Buck is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.