BUCKING THE SYSTEM: IMPENDING BIRTH BRINGS THOUGHTS OF SIMPLER TIMES

When Patrick and I were still newlyweds, we would do all the impetuous things our minds could think of and our pockets could afford.

I smile when I think of all the Friday afternoon decisions to take weekend getaways and the long car rides in driving rains. Not to mention those evenings when we'd put on our robes, pop in a good video, and lounge around drinking screwdrivers 'til dawn.

We could stay out dancing all night and sleep in the next morning, or blow our expendable incomes on extravagant shopping sprees. Our lives were basically carefree and we enjoyed living them to the fullest.

That was, of course, married life before Jerry. Our lives became consumed with responsibility when we became parents, and much of the past frivolity was lost as the Couple became a Family.

The impulsive vacations and all-night binges of drinking, dancing and devil-may-care behavior perforce came to an end because we knew somebody would have to get up when the baby cried, or later, when the toddler woke up with a demand for liquid refreshment.

There were other issues, as well. For instance: Who could afford to rent a car and steal away for a romantic interlude when there were diapers, formula and assorted other baby needs to be purchased? And ever-present was the need for a reliable and affordable babysitter who didn't mind spending portions of her weekend at home while someone else went out on the town.

But even with the shift in focus, I rarely miss those days of couple activity. Patrick and I do manage to get out occasionally, and I think we appreciate that time together now more than ever. We have to watch what we drink, do and say because Jerry is a fast learner. Occasionally, though, he does go to sleep, and that time is ours.

Being a parent also has its own rewards. For example, I appreciate the uninhibited leg-hold hugs and screams of "That's my Mommy!" when I walk into the daycare at the end of the day. And although that sippy cup can be awfully cold when it enters my bed at 6 a.m., there's something to be said about the juicy kiss and angelic "Good morning, Mommy" that accompanies it as a warm little body nestles into his "spot" in the family bed.

Now, my body is battening down the hatches in preparation for the newest maelstrom to be added to our family tree. As I mentally and physically prepare for the arrival of Patrick Jr. (alas, Clarissa Patrice is apparently not to be this time around), I find myself looking wistfully back at those carefree days of newlywed bliss.

A second child will mean more financial and physical demands and much less private time for us individually and as a couple. I mean, finding a babysitter for one decently-behaved toddler is one thing: It's another thing altogether to find takers for a toddler and his kid brother.

But it can be done. I know this because I'm here, my sister's here, and my parents still hold on to their sanity. They didn't have a lot of free time, but I do remember them being able to get away when they needed to. They would go out separately with their friends or together, and there were several years when my sister and I spent all or portions of summer months with relatives while my parents had the house to themselves.

Parenthood, especially when it's coupled with married life, will be what you make of it. Resenting your children doesn't give you any more time with your spouse or significant other; in fact, it just makes your time apart harder to bear.

I knew what I was getting into when I took this job. Sometimes its rough, other times it's not. Either way, it's survivable.

Besides, my parents managed, and I know I will, too.

Tamara Zellars-Buck is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian