BUCKING THE SYSTEM: GIRLFRIENDS FINALLY DECIDE TO `HEAL THYSELF'

With a combined total of two husbands, two boyfriends and seven children, going to the bathroom without an interruption is an accomplishment.

Last Friday, three female friends and I did something that has been unheard of in our worlds: We stayed away from our homes and families until almost midnight, and we weren't even working.

Mind you, this was more than an accomplishment for us. We have a combined total of two husbands, two boyfriends and seven children between us, so going to the bathroom without an interruption is an accomplishment.

What we did was a significant endeavor and great feat for everyone involved.

We'd all had a rough week, so a late dinner with "just the girls" sounded like exactly what we all needed. Unfortunately, our men were all either sick, tired or just plain afraid to be alone with the kids.

We made a whirlwind of phone calls and everyone scurried around looking for babysitters. In the end, Patrick watched four of the seven kids, and two of the other mothers took along pagers "just in case."

At first we didn't know what to do with ourselves. We had several nervous conversations about the search for good daycare providers and beauticians, and several jokes were made about the difference between a father "babysitting" his child and one who is "taking care of the baby."

Then the margaritas arrived. With them came the moment each of us had been waiting for: We exhaled.

All of a sudden, it was like we were transported into a girls movie for the evening. You know, movies like "Waiting to Exhale" or "Steel Magnolias," where the women all laugh, eat, drink (alcoholic beverages optional) and revel in the glory of being women. We did everything except the inevitable crying scene.

It was wonderful. Just for one night, for four hours, we focused on US and rejoiced in our ability to share conversation without sharing our dinners. No husbands needed their steaks cut, no children dangled limp spaghetti from their mouths, and no conversations were altered to make them more suitable for mixed company.

We stayed out for a total of four hours, but they felt so good I think those hours could actually be measured in dog years or some other extended counting method. In that short amount of time we shed innumerable hours of stress and the need for female companionship, and we were all better for it.

I never realized how important it is for women to have other female friends. Patrick has always encouraged me to go out with the girls, but I just figured he either had a guilty conscience or was looking for a reason to spend more time with "the boys."

Besides, until this year, I didn't know any females I liked well enough that I would want to spend quality time with them.

We girls decided that we're not going to wait so long before we share another "girls' night out." We're all sick and tired of being sick and tired, so we're going to do something about it.

For some reason, many women sit at home while their husbands and boyfriends hang out with their male friends. I think we've been conditioned to play that passive role, and I'm not averse to that. I like holing up in my house in not answering the phone, because I like bonding with just myself for company.

But now I realize that I need to get out sometimes, and good girlfriends can make those outings much more fun.

~Tamara Zellars Buck is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.