Bowling into 2011

Jan. 6, 2011

Dear Patty,

At the start of a new year, many people resolve to get fit. DC and I decided to get a head start by doing something healthier than usual on New Year's Eve. Instead of spending the night in a smoky nightclub, we proposed bowling our way into 2011.

I know. Bowling, the sport for people who don't like to sweat. None of our friends had bowled in years, perhaps decades. Not all were enthused, but they did show up.

People of all ages filled the bowling alley's 32 lanes. And they were partying.

Bowling alleys are very different than they used to be. A rock 'n' roll soundtrack now accompanies the rolling thunder of balls on the lanes and the collision with pins. At some point the lights went down for Cosmic Bowling, turning the game into a laser light show.

A computer automatically records your score after you knock down some pins and then shows you how to convert each spare. The computer also records the speed your ball is traveling down the lane. This is dangerous information for some of us.

The young men on the next lane started trying to see who could throw the ball harder. Some ran toward the foul line and slung their bowling balls mightily down the lane as if they were throwing a 16-pound discus. A new Olympic event. For some reason the young women with them didn't join in and continued bowling as usual.

I mentioned to DC that one of the young men was bowling at about 23 mph and still looked like a bowler doing it. He set the ball down smoothly right at the foul line instead of tossing it part way down the lane as the other boys did. He also moved his left hip quickly to the left as he released the ball, adding extra oomph.

That's when it occurred to me that a smoother transition from backswing to forward swing might improve my mediocre 15 mph ball speed. One way to accomplish that, I reasoned, was to move my left hip further left, clearing a path for the ball. That just happened to be the same movement the 23 mph bowler was using.

But no matter how often and how hard I thrust my hip to the left, the speed of my bowling ball didn't increase. Only my inaccuracy did.

I didn't really care. We had a good time applauding each other's occasional strikes and spares and watching one of the Olympians slip and then slide 10 feet down his lane. At midnight we wore silly hats and blew horns just like everyone does.

At 1 a.m. we toasted our absent friends Frank and Robyn on their own front porch. They were in Denmark. DC and I toasted ourselves for spending New Year's Eve healthily.

The next morning my left hip was really sore. The shooting pain worsened Sunday and prevented me from being able to help DC take down the Christmas decorations. That night sleep was elusive. The medicine cabinet offered little help.

An online search found a common injury called Bowler's Hip, caused by repeatedly overextending your hips and twisting your back. Uh-oh.

My friendly new chiropractor prescribed electrical stimulation of the joint, heat and anti-inflammatories. He also did a couple of "adjustments," producing scary cracking noises that instantly reduced some of the pain.

He said lots of people come in with bowling injuries, which figured to be both the truth and an attempt to lessen my embarrassment at injuring myself bowling.

Our healthy New Year's Eve left DC admitting to only slight stiffness. Our friend Claudia has some swollen fingers, and her left hip is a bit sore, too. I'm the only one starting 2011 with a limp.

So you can't do what young boys can do, sniffed DC. Not true. I can still be stupid.

Love, Sam

Sam Blackwell is a former reporter for the Southeast Missourian.