Beyond choking

July 1, 2010

Dear Leslie,

A few weeks ago, a talented young golfer known for being unflappable entered the final day of the U.S. Open with a 3-shot lead and foozled it away in the first few holes. Dustin Johnson eventually shot 11 over par that day. Eleven over par is what I shoot on a good day. Professional golfers leading tournaments on the final day don't shoot 11 over par unless they give in to the fear everyone must face. They choke.

Everyone has choked sometime in their life. We choke when our dream girl or boy walks into the room and we don't say anything to her or him. We choke when we buy a certain car hoping someone will like us or respect us because of it. We choke when we allow ourselves to be defined by our own histories and by our fears.

"I don't dance. That's my M.O.," I once told a beautiful woman who wanted to dance.

One definition of choking is a blockage of air flow into the lungs. To choke under duress feels the same. Breathing normally is difficult. Your ego is protecting you as it always does. It's saying, Don't screw up and look like an idiot.

When first learning to play golf, you are afraid of embarrassing yourself. Each time you take a shot, people are watching. You're on stage. Invariably, bad shots result when you're thinking about not hitting a bad shot.

Skill comes from focusing on the task. In the movie "Behind Enemy Lines," when the aviator being hunted down in Bosnia starts to break down mentally under the strain, his commander brings him back to earth by asking about the state of his gear.

If I'm leading near the end of a casual round of golf with friends, instead of thinking about the shot a second track about winning often begins running in my head. Maybe it's about not losing. But golf is not a multitasking sport. The best players have learned how to be fully present for the two seconds required to hit a golf ball. Most people can't pull that off. Random thoughts go off in our brains like fireworks.

Sometimes I sit in and play harmonica with musicians in nightclubs. The first time I did this sweat soaked my shirt after 10 songs. The next time the nervousness was a bit less, but it was another sweaty experience. Each time I sit in, the fear lessens and playing takes over.

When fears begin taking over my head, feeling the club in my hands and relaxing the tension of the harmonica against my lips can bring me back. You get grounded.

Gary Player is a South African golfer who competed successfully against Jack Nicklaus and Arnold Palmer when both were tearing up golf courses in the 1960s. They were called "The Big Three." In the new book "Don't Choke," Player tries to provide steps anyone can follow to keep from choking. His basic teaching is this: Get out of your own way and enjoy the battle.

Dustin Johnson had never led the U.S. Open before. Now he knows what he's in for if he puts himself in that position again.

No one can truly fulfill a dream or be in love without giving themselves permission to fail.

Failure isn't failing to win. Failure is letting your fears win.

Love, Sam

Sam Blackwell is a former reporter for the Southeast Missourian.