Be seen acting your age

The magazine racks are filled with advice being shouted out at us about what we should be seen wearing and doing in order to be hanging with the swells. Good enough, but what if we are just trying to avoid looking ridiculous as we get on in years? What should we be doing or not doing?

One gal pal recently told me that all of our aging "appearance issues" could be simply solved by avoiding bright lights.

Since I am not an advocate of hiding out in the shadows, I have decided to try my hand at making my own "Be Seen/Don't Be Seen" dictums.

Be seen ... dressing your age.

Don't be seen ... trying to fool your neighbors into thinking you are younger than you are by dressing like your children.

If you are a woman of a certain age, definitely don't be seen wearing anything that Britney Spears would wear. Ruffled panties underneath tennis skirts should be avoided as well as combining miniskirts with support hose. Thongs may be all the rage in their husband's fantasy life, but most mature women should think twice. And remember: Thongs paired with Depends is not a good look.

The more mature man should definitely not be seen wearing that once-groovy disco shirt, unbuttoned to the waist, with gray chest hair sprouting forth. Capris, short shorts or Speedos probably didn't look good on them when the hair on their ankles was still intact, and, trust me, it isn't going to look good now. And "man-boobs" are something to be discreetly camouflaged in a well-tailored shirt.

Be seen ... looking your age.

Don't be seen ... looking like Cher or Wayne Newton.

If plastic surgery is a must-do for you, then keep this standard in mind: Set your goal to look like a refreshed, healthier version of yourself at your age.

In other words, be very cautious about trying to turn yourself into some cartoon character of you. Avoid extreme changes like cheek, pectoral or chin implants; radical lifts; or blowing up your lips like a lollipop with collagen. It rarely is effective at anything but drawing attention to your age and your lack of mature acceptance of yourself.

Be seen ... acting your age.

Don't be seen ... picking your nose or trying to pick up somebody half your age.

Our rock 'n' roll era is over. Get used to it, and try to let the youths of today have their turn in the mosh pit. Ditto on trying to win a beer-drinking contest with college students at a bar. Or flirting with your son's hunky boss? Yes, I have seen it all.

One thing, besides wisdom, that we should expect to gain from our mounting years on this planet, is a sense of moderation. Definitely be seen eating, drinking and making merry ... but with moderation.

Be seen ... practicing habits of good health.

Don't be seen ... trying to compete with the hard-bodies at your local gym. Not only is it a lost cause, but it's dangerous.

I am all for promoting regular and reasonable exercise as one of the most critical ways to increase our healthspan. But again, in moderation.

Increasing our flexibility, maintaining our strength and standing up straight, all support a positive self-image in our yonder years.

And finally:

Be Seen ... with a curious and animated twinkle in your eye.

Don't be seen ... with a jaded, bitter, "been-there/don't-want-to-do-that-anymore" look. Nothing will age you more.

Try following the advice in the famous Johnny Mercer song instead: Be seen accentuating the positive, eliminating the negative, latching onto the affirmative.

And don't be seen "messing with Mr. In-Between."

Dr. Michael O.L. Seabaugh, a Cape Girardeau native, is a clinical psychologist who lives and works in Santa Barbara, Calif. Contact him at mseabaugh@semissourian.com.