Avoiding 'itsy-bitsy' living

I've been thinking about how brave it is to let things and people matter to us, to let them mean deeply.

When things matter, we are high stakeholders, holding a lot of ourselves out in the open without the protection of excuses, pretense or pretending. We can get hurt, look foolish or fail. But we risk because it is worth it.

The other day I read 1 John 4:18-19 again: "There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love. We love because he first loved us."

A lot of times I don't love as deeply as I could out of fear or because it is simply easier not to. Or either I care but, out of fear, I don't let my love move me to action. Perfect your love in me, God.

I'm thinking we can only let things and others matter deeply to us if we know how deeply we are loved, how deeply we, as well as the things and people we care deeply about, matter to the heart of our God.

If we think about the depths our God went through before, during and after he died to help us recognize and believe this love, then we are secure in it, free to show this kind of love to others, too. It doesn't matter if we fail because we know that in God, the victory is in the trying.

In "Pilgrim at Tinker Creek," Annie Dillard writes, "There is always an enormous temptation in all of life to diddle around making itsy-bitsy friends and meals and journeys for itsy-bitsy years on end. It is so self-conscious, so apparently moral, simply to step aside from the gaps where the creeks and winds pour down, saying, I never merited this grace, quite rightly, and then to sulk along the rest of your days on the edge of rage. I won't have it. The world is wilder than that in all directions, more dangerous and bitter, more extravagant and bright."

Where are we living itsy-bitsy where we could be living deeply and fully? I don't mean "itsy-bitsy" in a small sort of way, implying that we should be doing "big" things; I know from experience that most often the smallest gestures done in love leave the deepest impression.

We could be thinking about loving deeper, not bigger. Maybe the itsy-bitsy is living shallowly, only for ourself, only doing things halfway or only putting part of ourselves into things, only for the surface level. Where could we be pressing in further, what could we be doing more mindfully in love, how could we be realizing more often that we are coming face-to-face with God? How could we live with all of ourselves, finding wonder and God in our day-to-day jobs and interactions?

Letting people and things matter to us means letting them in. When we do this, we don't only find the beauty of others and ourselves -- we also find the beauty of God.