A plan for Christmas giving

It's five days after Halloween. Should we start thinking about Christmas shopping so soon?

You bet your maids a-milking we should.

I'm not a huge fan of Christmas by nature. The idea is a good one: devote a day to peace on Earth and good will toward men and hope the idea carries through the rest of the year. In practice, it's a season where you want to be more peaceful and have good will, but you are more inclined to strangle that woman walking up and down the crowded store aisles while shouting into her cell phone. ("I don't know what to get Uncle Bob. ... Wait, I can't hear you. ... I still can't hear you. ... I SAID I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!! I'LL CALL YOU RIGHT BACK!!!)

But on the day after Halloween, when my neighbors hung a candy-cane wreath near their front door and placed letters spelling "merry Christmas" on their windowsill, I couldn't help but smile.

All the bah-humbug aside, Christmas is something different. We get to leave our regular schedule for a couple of days off, great food, unbridled spending and bright and shiny decor. That candy-cane wreath is just the start of a season that jolts us out of our ruts.

The Other Half is my polar opposite when it comes to this subject. (So what else is new.) He loves Christmas for being Christmas. He loves the crowded stores and selecting just the right gifts for everyone and decorating the tree. He doesn't think about the social and religious implications, which I've spent years considering. To him, Christmas isn't the season for questions and soul-searching. He believes people are simply more generous during the most wonderful time of the year, the result of a spirit that sweeps across the Christian part of the world every December.

This year, I am making more of an effort to accommodate his feelings. No fights over where to put the tree. No sneering at the suggestion of spending 12 hours straight in the stores. No worrying about nickels and dimes. I love him, and I should love the things that are important to him.

But there are some technical details about Christmas that have plagued me for years.

For instance, who do you buy gifts for? The answer would seem to be easy: people you care about. But what about social or professional obligations? Do you buy your boss a present? Will he feel bad that he didn't buy you one, or does the Christmas bonus count as his present to you?

What about people who give too much? I mean the situations where you've bought someone a Santa coffee mug, and she's bought you a crystal wine decanter. Do you claim there was a second gift that you accidentally left at home and then rush out to buy something else?

And what about people who suddenly become overwhelmed with the Christmas spirit and give you something unexpectedly? My fear of this situation has caused me to compile countless general gifts, purchased on sale after last Christmas. I hesitate to reveal that, because what if someone reads this and figures out he or she received a "general gift"?

I think I may have an easy answer to all of these questions this year.

It's liquor.

I'm thinking about going to a major discount food store and compiling bottles and bottles of good liquor. It's not too cheap, it's not too expensive and just about everyone I know would enjoy getting it. Forget giving grandma some ceramic figurine she'll just have to dust. Warm her heart with a little Southern Comfort this year. Your pre-teen niece? Hey, Jack just gets better with age -- she'll have it for college.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe people will be horribly offended at my idea and refuse my gifts.

But don't I come out the winner either way?

Heidi Hall is managing editor of the Southeast Missourian.