A great time of year, except when it isn't

Christmas is the most wonderful time of year, except when it isn't. Stress, family tension and especially grief can all steal away the joy of the holiday season. Many then will feel guilty that they are not enjoying what is supposed to be the most joyous time of year. How can you navigate the Christmas season when you are also in a season of grief?

Recognizing how you are feeling and giving a vocabulary to express your emotions can help you navigate Christmas and every day well. It is all right if going to the church's Christmas Eve service, and because your loved one can no longer attend with you raises a great sadness. "To feel is to be human. To minimize or deny what we feel is a distortion of what it means to be image-bearers of God. To the degree that we are unable to express our emotions, we remain impaired in our ability to love God, others, and ourselves well." Give yourself permission to feel what you feel.

Don't quit. When in pain, our natural tendency is to flee from the source of our hurt. Over the years, I've watched men and women quit what brought them joy while in their grief. Hobbies, friendships, jobs and more. The thought of being there and with those people is too painful, so I'll stop going. But the more they isolate themselves from others and activities they once enjoyed, the more sorrowful they become. Don't quit.

Realize that tears are not the enemy. Jesus was told what he already knew when he arrived at Mary and Martha's home. Lazarus had died. The shortest but powerful bible verse records, "Jesus wept." He was saddened by the grief his friends had. He wept for them.

God has allowed us to express deep sadness when words will not suffice. While the tears may flow, they drip into God's promises that he places "my tears in [his] bottle" (Psalms 56:8.) Jesus' tears were not his enemy. Neither are yours.

Your emotions will have a greater rawness to them during the Christmas season. Everything may seem harder realizing someone is not there. Recognizing and verbalizing how you feel will help you to become more whole as you continue to participate in the Christmas festivities.