A DAY IN THE LIFE: GOLDEN RULE: LOOK BUT DON'T TOUCH

What is the rule for married people looking at members of the opposite sex? Is it okay? Is it natural? Will you get in trouble for it? And most importantly, how do you avoid getting caught?

I don't know about after marriage, but I do know from personal experience it happens with engaged people before they get married. I know this because I, um, have this friend who is getting married soon and he has the audacity to look at other girls all the time.

Of all the nerve.

Kidding aside; admittedly, I do my share of looking. I know Tim Allen is right when he says men are pigs. I'm sorry, but I can't seem to help myself.

I do catch myself, but by then it's too late.

Then the angel on my shoulder chastises me for several hours and makes me feel like such a heel.

"What were you doing?" the angel asks, scowling.

"What?" I ask innocently, as if I don't know what he's talking about.

"You shouldn't be doing that," he says.

"Doing what? There's nothing wrong with just looking," I say.

"Who are you trying to convince?"

Then I tell the angel on my shoulder to go to a place he's not familiar with.

Where's the devil when you need him? I'm just thankful that do-gooder angel can't tell my fiancee on me.

Of course, when you're having an argument with the angel on your shoulder, make sure you do it internally. I learned that lesson the hard way.

I joke about Lori getting teed-off with me for looking, but women, as a rule, don't mind if their men look at other women.

They're too busy looking at other men to get annoyed.

Women have three standard responses when they are asked by their men if it's okay to look at pretty girls:

* It doesn't matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home.

* You can window shop, but you better not buy.

* Who cares? Now buy me something pretty.

Women know that the girl we're looking at is stunning and we've really got no chance with her anyway. And they delight in telling this to us. They know we're stuck with them and they're happy with that because they feel equally stuck.

Women, can't live with 'em ... but then, who'd want to?

Women don't have a problem with men looking because I think they tend to be more secure, trusting and less threatened by other women.

I don't think men aren't quite so understanding when the eye is in the other head.

Men don't like to see their women looking at another man. It's a double standard, of course, but what are you going to do?

I was telling Lori about this week's topic and announced to her that I was glad she wasn't the jealous type, because girls are CONstantly looking me over and sighing to themselves when they hear I'm engaged.

Upon hearing this, Lori kind of snickered in a way I didn't particularly care for. Of course, just like all the rest, she's just jealous.

It's almost as hard to be humble as it is to keep my eyes in my head.