Trendy or Trashy - Overblown Box Office

by Meredith Knight

We take you to a place beyond sight and sound. A place known as Box office. Today we meet a group of people, trying to get through life just like any other group of people...and that is why we used them. As much of the entertainment industry has become caught up with the world and pleasing them all we can't help but give credit to those who please a few. Over the last few years we have seen marvels in movie production from things like Toy Story to Matrix. If there is anyone on this planet that have not seen them take a step off the up elevator, and please be careful that your hairy knuckles don't get caught in the crevice as you get off.

Then there was another movie, "cough" Godzilla. It was to bad and they made it out to be such a thrilling movie. Part of Godzilla's original glamour effect was the shear cheeziness of the dialog, the strings on anything that flew and the words not matching what they were saying -not to mention the actual Godzilla costume. Every time I saw it I had to think that this was someone's job; their actual job was Godzilla. It was an honor if you got to be Godzilla. And then I laughed till I couldn't breathe.

Times have changed and as anyone can tell we are trying to run at a brick wall with scissors. Sure the effect is cool but then someone else has to try and clean up the mess. Every bad movie has laid ground for some amazing improvements. However The Legend of Hell House was great. The Haunting was us making a scary movie glitzy. If you ever have a spare 90 minutes check this out. Personally I enjoyed it but at the very end you watch when Catherine Zeta Jones gets thrown against a wall and Liam Neeson goes over to make sure she is okay. He leans on a pillar and it gives. The set was cool but hit me as being one of those moments someone wasn't paying attention to what was going on when the foam gave way.

But just as the predecessor can be better sometimes; it's the movie that starts a trend that can catch people's eye. Scream started the teen thrillology back into effect. (The first Scream was cool, this is the point were you the reader must be honest some people will try to deny but it was still a good movie.) Maybe not what it was thought to be; but still it was good.

There were elements from previous movies, the phone calls, (when a stranger calls), the gore (pick one -anyone), the middle of the boonies effect (no offense; there are times when it is safer to be there then in... let's say a large town -"Judgement Night"). After Scream we were sent a slew of stupid "horror" movies. So to keep it from happening again! Here are the new and improved movie rules, with a few necessary survival movie rules.

1. Don't use animals as killers. People like to figure out that it's a guy with a hooked hand that escaped from a mental institution that is the killer -not a dog. (Man's Best friend)

2. Don't try to baffle the audience. Give them all the clues and you will lose their attention, but win them back with a good plot twist and a descriptive movie catch phrase. (The Game)

3. Don't kill LL Cool J (Lake Placid). It adds to the excitement if you try to get the seemingly weak characters to the end of the movie "mostly" intact.

4. Don't make a good book into a bad movie (The Island of Doctor Moreau). Sure the creature effects are cool but there was a better author before H.G. Wells. His name was Jules Verne.

5. There is a line between funny and gross; trust me. (There's Some Thing about Mary and Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me.)

6. If the audience is bored they sleep (I have never ever fallen asleep in a movie, but if you know you are going to fall asleep please wear a breath easy nose strip so you don't snore.)

7. Don't bill a movie as a drama when it is a comedy. We do not go to movies to verify billing. (Strip Tease)

8. Do not make a Balding Male a superhero (Superman, Nicholas Cage. Wait just wait)

9. We like action and if doesn't look physically impossible or seem out of the question- we will not see it. (Jackie Chan's last two made for big screen movies, and MATRIX!!! It was just an awesome movie.)

10. If a movie doesn't feel long we will see it multiple times. (Pitch Black 3 times}, Titanic {1 and it felt like purgatory to me}.

11. Sean Connery IS James Bond -always has been, always will be. (Let a good Bond get all the women and retire.)

12. TV shows do not equal movies. (X-Files, Avengers and Mission Impossible, but Mission was cool.)

13. Woody Allen is a nasty perv. (Wake up America that's not talent that's an Inside Edition Special.)

14. Let Ripley Die! (Aliens Resurrection.)

15. Don't make Fun of Trekkies. You stare down a hole through your hand and tell me that phasers are toys. (But Tim Allen and Sigourney Weaver made that movie funny.)

16. The only good Stephen King movie is one he isn't in. (The Green Mile.)

17. Do not mess with Gypsy curses, voodoo, zombie, witchcraft and demons, unless it is true life. (Exorcist)

18. Never ever under any circumstances make fun of God. If you want a movie to bomb - be my guest.

Now go out and make movie history. Don't forget there is such a thing as copyright infringement. Tada!