Screen Time

by Leroy Grey

Grey here, scribbling into the future... As of presstime, there's still no sign of "Big Fish" coming to Cape, which is a tragedy. It's a Tim Burton movie! That's fun for the whole creepy family!! It's a contender! But I'll save the Oscar talk for next month.

Here's the movies that may be coming to a theater after you:

"Chasing Liberty" - The first 'President's little Girl Gone Wild' movie this year (but not the last) stars Mandy Moore. I'll admit, the plot reads like a Sweet Valley High novel. And the director's got one movie (the film version of "Leave It To Beaver") sandwiched in between all his movie credits. But there's a scene where Mandy Moore's character jams at a Roots concert...

"My Baby's Daddy" - Eddie Griffin, the black guy from "Kangaroo Jack", and the young guy from "The Sopranos" portray three would-be players who become fathers. The film was written by the creators of "Saving Ryan's Privates," but Eddie Griffin's production and writing credits suggest that he drove the funny bus for most of the trip; if you thought he made "The New Guy" funny enough, you'll probably dig this. Plus, there's plenty of pros in the minor roles, including Amy Sedaris and former Kid in the Hall Scott Thompson.

"Along Came Polly" - Look! It's Ben and Jen! Okay, so it's Ben Stiller and Jennifer Aniston... Ben Stiller plays a recently-married risk assessor, and a flinchy kind of guy, who finds himself attracted to Jennifer Aniston's bohemian ways. (If they'd waited another year, I bet they could have gotten David Schwimmer.) This may sound predictable, but the film's director also wrote "Meet the Parents". As long as there's no turkey talk, we'll get out of this one alive.

"Torque" - Ford's a biker trying to get home, trying to prove his innocence, trying to escape his past, trying to show the girl he loves that he's worth a second chance... ah, who cares? It's an extreme action movie!!! It's motorcycles in the Matrix! Only Ice Cube's sneer could match the attitude of these street demons! All this begs the question: When are they gonna make a movie for "Streethawk"?

"The Butterfly Effect" - Ashton Kutcher learns that he can go back in time and fix problems in his life. He learns why this is not a good idea. Warning to "Punk'd" fans: this isn't a comedy. It's an R-rated thriller in the vein of "Sixth Sense" and "Final Destination." Now I don't know what kind of people have been going to Ashton Kutcher movies so far, but if this movie is as deep as the commercials suggest, all those moviegoers better bring some headache medicine. Check out Intothechaos.com to see what I'm talking about.

"Win a Date with Tad Hamilton" - Warming up the seats until Valentine's Day is this tale of a small town checkout girl that wins a date with the movie star of her dreams. Kate Bosworth is the girl. Topher Grace (from "That 70's Show") plays the best friend, and he just might for the next 20 years. But if you liked "Legally Blonde," you might be feeling this one, too. I miss Piggly Wiggly.

"You Got Served" - The R & B band B2K make their "Jailhouse Rock", as friends from the street using their love for music and dance as a way out. In their neighborhood, fellows settle disputes with breakdancing showdowns at the Boogaloo Shrimp Shack. Aw, geez, I can't get over musicians in movie projects. For every "8Mile" or "Friday", there's a dozen "Spice World"s and "Belly"s. To be fair, most of B2K has been acting in several TV shows for years, so they're not amateurs. Anyway, it's looking more like "Get It On" than "Honey", and the soundtrack should be all over the place by March.

"The Perfect Score" - It's a heist movie, alright... but the prizes are answers to the S.A.T., the most important exam in the nation, and seven high schoolers want them. This film's got the girl from "Lost in Translation," the psycho girl from "Swimfan," and... Oh, snap! Darius Miles! That kid's from my hometown! He went from high school ball to the L.A. Clippers! There goes my impartiality. On the one hand, I have neighborhood loyalties to consider; on the other, I have the history of basketball players in cinema to consider. (That reminds me; when the Harlem Globetrotters were in town, I got word that their feature-length movie will be ready in 2005. They're proven talent; just ask Scooby...) At least I can take comfort that he's in a supporting role, and hope that he's more Kareem than Jordan, in this respect.

If you still need some information to decide, "The Perfect Score" was directed by the guy who made "Varsity Blues" and "Good Burger". If you've never heard of those movies, you might be a little old for this one.

Wehrenberg 14's late show for this month is the "The Naked Gun", which found the Zucker brothers at a comedic level they hadn't reached since "Airplane!" The biggest change was casting Leslie Nielsen, hilarious in his "Airplane!" supporting role, into the leading man position, finally providing the perfect guide for these madcap parody movies. Many lesser parody films still managed to be funny, by the simple virtue of Leslie Nielsen's performance. With that said, the first "Naked Gun" is lightning in a bottle (as the two sequels can attest) and transcends the Mad-Magazine-on-film conventions of the sub-genre to create a reflection of the era that is extremely fractured and, simultaneously, more true. (Howzat sound? I wrote a term paper on it my junior year.) "The Naked Gun" will be playing in mid-January, check the Wehrenberg 14 for showtimes.

Next month, I'll give you tips on winning your Oscar pool. And we'll see what's in store for February. Save me a seat...